Addictine

[Phonoho]

Sting me again
With your so savage curse,
High on notions
From your trailer park purse,
I’ll take the hit,
But not the kind you’ll know,
A parting shot
To make your hot blood flow

To fight or flight
Is all the same to-do;
You quick your fix
And I get mine from you,
As spoken words
In anger bring the rush
To loose the same
Self-drug we love so much

When lovers lie
Together to amend
What conscience has
Revealed as faux, a friend,
Pre-measured here
In guile for quick release,
You render me
The keeper of the peace

[smokeytehmonstr]

I liked this because it made me think. Had to backtrack and read a couple times before I actually reviewed.

First, did you mean for "Addicting" to be your title? Otherwise, I can't say I know for sure what "Addictine" means...

Second...second line, first stanza:

With your so savage curse

For me, the "so" in the middle derails the flow of this line. It just seems extremely superfluous and unnecessary.

But not the kind you’ll know

Tense issue here, I think. "You'll" is future. Change it to "you" and it'll be smooth sailing.

As spoken words
In anger bring the rush
To loose the same
Self-drug we love so much

I loved these lines. They're so true.

When lovers lie
Together to amend
What conscience hath
Revealed as faux, a friend,
Pre-measured here
In guile for quick release,
You render me
The keeper of the peace

If this were another poem, I wouldn't really have any problem with this stanza. However, your first two stanzas establish a completely different tone than this one. The word choice here is nice, but it doesn't really jibe with the word choice in the two previous stanzas. Also--"hath"? I think this is the word that really turned me off to the rest of the stanza, because KJV language just doesn't fit with the tone you created earlier on in the poem. And that's a non-rhyming line, so there's no "had to fit the rhyme scheme" excuse (which is no excuse in my book anyway, but this is not really the time nor the place for my feelings on rhyming poetry in general). My recommendation is to tone down the WC to the same level as the previous two stanzas. It'll take some serious editing, but I think it'll be worth it.

Despite all that, though, I enjoyed the poem a lot. It's a great idea, and the first two stanzas especially are quite powerful. Just think about that third stanza, ok?

[Phonoho]

Addictine was no mistake. It is a marriage of two words intended to represent the subject without wholly revealing it. (It is, after all, simply a title and under no obligation to be grammatically correct.) The next time you get into a heated argument, you will be under its influence without realizing it until, perhaps, later, when the fires have cooled sufficiently to reflect on the moment. You may even find yourself longing to feel it again, as many of us do.

My use of the word so is pure sarcasm, facetiously revealing what I truly think of those savage curses. Spitting them back, more or less. As a boon, it also completes the syllable count in the line.

Regarding my use of the contraction you'll, all I can suggest is a reexamination within the context of the poem's subject as an unknown quantity.

The obsolete hath was a last minute change that I had not entirely settled on. I agree that it does not belong here and have changed it. The last stanza, though, was written after a cooling off period; the intensity of the self-drug had waned as the conflict resolved, changing the effect of the tone to one of compromise and resolution, which is exactly how the scene played out, fortunately.

As for rhyming poetry, to each his own. I swing either way. It is, you see, a valid poetic device that has been in use for centuries. I believe it is in the interest of verse writers to become proficient in the use of all poetic impliments, especially those which are considered obsolete and no longer in fashion.

I do appreciate the thorough review and thank you for your time and energies.