A very dark way of viewing things, quite a depressing poem - a way to view human nature true, and within the levels of meaning running through - relating to religion and also general perceptions. I am questioning if i liked? but then guessing the reader isn't supposed to like this but take something away with them, creating thought over our impulses and nature. If i were to say there is a whole range of colour spectrum for the point made; this one would fall close to black. Found very interesting, Thought provoking - and for that it has great merit. The rhythm, and rhyme blended perfectly with creating a flow to reflect the deep meaning unfolding - excellent.
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Time; an elusive element to a creative mind. For the story burns to be expressed, flooding the mind, seeking an outlet. Red brimmed eyes and dark circles fore-tells a deeper story, echoed in a mirrors reflection. - my story.
I read this again and again. Still, I feel a little shifted. It’s almost if there’s some voluntary delusion, maybe not voluntary, but a shared delusion between two people. A lie that’s safer than the truth. This was sort of chilly, dark. One of the most confronting things about this poem was the intricacy of the form, like the first and the last stanzas with the substitution of only one word, and the whole meaning changes. It shows a real control of language on your part, really astounding.
The syllable count was immaculate, 4-4-8, throughout the whole thing. Sometimes you mastery with words unbalances me Phonoho, and I want, so badly to find something to criticize. (Disgospel, fantastic word.). I guess I’ll have to keep looking, I will. But in the mean time, this is masterful.
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"Snip! Snap! Snip! the scissors go;
And Conrad cries out - Oh! Oh! Oh!
Snip! Snap! Snip! They go so fast;
That both his thumbs are off at last.
Mamma comes home; there Conrad stands,
And looks quite sad, and shows his hands;-
"Ah!" said Mamma "I knew he'd come
To naughty little Suck-a-Thumb." - The Story of Suck-a-Thumb, Heinrich Hoffman
I don't always intentionally set out to write in form but when the first ideas for a poem begin to swirl and take shape, they often end up in a stanza with rhythms that just feel good to repeat and in different ways.
These are actually couplets in iambic tetrameter, just broken apart into triplets to slow it down a bit. Tetrameter is easy and quite fun to write in, plus it makes you sound all cool and wise and shit. You know what I mean.
Yes, this is a point of discussion between two people, sort of an I know that you know that I know what we know kinda thing. Been there.
Thanks,
James
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"One of my primary objects is to form the tools so the tools themselves shall fashion the work and give to every part its just proportion."
OH my goodness. This is INCREDIBLE! I love the language you chose and the topic is just so darkly intruiging!!!
Quote:
Our youth, by humbling age, denied
This is by far the best line, in my opinion! You've opened up another whole topic within this one! It's a never-ending circle of amazingness! I'm very very much impressed!
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Do not overlook the obvious solution...
Linear Mode
