Life Over-easy

[Venomous Vixen]

Never really fit in
to the conformity
of society,
Too tainted to
trot beside
the girl-next-door
brainwashed mentality,
cast your ring
on my bedside-table
where hundreds have laid
beside my
non-conformist moans

You’ll have your eggs
the way
I feel like fixing them,
and you’ll say
they’re the best
that you’ve ever tasted,
just to catch
a flicker of my
rebellious residue,
after you've washed
my smell
from your fingers
glinting your golden ring

But I'll keep you
as you rush home,
late again -
cold sweat engaged
back to your
white picket life,
two-point-five
little blonde-haired brats
and your plastic trophy,
girl-next-door,
cowering under
conformity,
too scared to
ask where you’ve been,
instead just
“Honey,
how would you like your eggs?”

[Lubesh]

Well, that was different but similarly enjoyable ...nice piece of work!

[Venomous Vixen]

Thanks Lu

[Vail]

This also touches on your whole non-conformity being conformity idea you brought up with me. I've decided awhile ago that no matter what I do, it's not really going to be original or unique. As they say in fight club, you are not a unique snowflake, there is nothing special about you. Meh, that's an aside and has nothing to really do with the poem.

Okay, so here we go. I really did like this one. I liked it because the male protagonist was also just as fake as his wife. Telling you the eggs were the best brought a smile to my face. They probably weren't the best, but who knows what he's really thinking, probably trying to grease you up for at least one more casual night of sex. I loved the wife description and the two-point-five kids line too. Well played.

Ummm... in your first stanza you use the word lay and I think it should be laid or lain. I personally like laid better. Your ending was killer, the egg reference really did you well in this poem. Nicely done. Thanks for sharing.

[Vorcla]

"Lain" is actually correct, but I wouldn't use it there. "Laid" is fine; like Vail, I like it better because it's more in keeping with the feel of this, and it's more like dialogue that way. And I really don't care about pittly crap like that anyway; I'm more interested in what you have to say.

Yeah.

Wicked!

This is so real and earthy. This is down-and-dirty Bri, and I love it. Some really explicit references, but they really fit your MC. I like the throwaway feel of the narrative; very breezy and flowing - again, in character with the narrator.

Yeah - hot.

"Damned fine," Bri.

[Venomous Vixen]

Nate - Ha, point made about the conformity/non-conformity. Glad you caught all that stuff in there, and yes, the eggs were probably not the best, maybe not even close, but he played the game anyway. Thanks for the review and always taking the time on my work (haha and for being tough on me, it forces me to grow). Oh and the laid/lain, meh, I don't like either but I went with laid, can I use lie instead?

Rick - Well if I am throwing rules out can I just stick with my initial 'lay', or lie like I mentioned above? The laid bit bugs the shit out of me. It just sounds... wrong. Thank you for reading, as always, and your kind words.

[psycosis]

This one brought back both fond and tormented memories........very eloquently delivering on raw adulterating behavior........loved it