People's word are unheard,
Messages unread,
Their beliefs are blurred,
Not hearing what other people said.
Burried in the dirt,
Hidden forever,
Never to be read again.
Silenced are their tongues,
Broken are their lungs,
Trying to breathe,
Trying to express their way.
Silenced are their opinions,
Silenced are their names,
Silenced are their values,
Never to be the same.
People turn the other cheek,
Ignoring the words that express,
A world changing event or idea,
And never nothing less.
Don't listen to the silence,
Don't hear the empty air,
Speak until you can't speak any longer,
And express until there's none left to spare.
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"Into your eyes,
Hopeless and taken,
We stole our lives,
Through blood and pain,
In defense of our dreams."
I loved it, Goosy! I truly do! This is my favorite peice from you! Well, so far... lol
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"But words are things, and a small drop of ink,
Falling, like dew, upon a thought, produces
That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think."
I think this is a really nice piece, it makes you think. I believe Epsilonist's suggestion of putting in a few empty lines would make for an easier read.
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Don't take life too seriously, nobody gets out alive anyways.
Really geat, your thoughts are very clear in this poem and your style is very open and conceptualized. I liked it a lot. I do, as well, third the motion for some empty lines however, though not too many because it would break up that concept. I would suggest between
.....
Never to be read again.
Silenced are their tongues,
.....
AND
.....
Trying to express their way.
Silenced are their opinions,
.....
AND
.....
Never to be the same.
People turn the other cheek,
.....
Maybe you agree, maybe you don't. Ultimatly you are the author and I would like this poem either way.
Triple YAY.
~DK
I really liked your poem =, it made my mind stop ans start to question and think. Your poem seems like an archetype to me though, like its about outcasts and no one will listen to what they have to say an deveryone tries to ignor them because they don't care or just dont want to be seen around them. Also it seems like they have been excluded from the society they live in. But it's still great...i also liked your short story about outcasts both chapters of course.
I like the concept of the poem and the message at the end is powerfully stated. It flows very nicely and i think the pacing of it successfully quickens and intensifies towards the end, which is a great effect. The thing that bothered me a tiny bit was that you preach that one should speak his or her mind and not be silenced, but you also say that people tend to ignore what's said.
Also, the phrase "turn the other cheek" in my mind has a concept of forgiveness and tolerance behind it. I'm fairly sure that your intention is to explain that people simply ignore the voices, and I don't see any potential value of the implied other meaning. Maybe you could use a phrase without that sort of connotation? "turn the other cheek" sounds to me like the religious idea of forgiving, instead of what you're trying to say.
Aside from those small gripes I thought the poem as a whole was quite well done. Good work.
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Evolution - Where's your god now?
Re: Silenced
Re: [PICK] Silenced
Re: [PICK] Silenced
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