[RENA HANDS]

Synopsis: Jill left the country for the city and Jack soon followed. What happened when Jack finally found her?

WARNING: This submission contains adult content and parental advisory is warranted.

Jack approaches Jill and said
“Damn baby girl.”
He smiles at her busty display,
grabs for her ass and
she swings back.
Jill pushes him away
searches her pursue for a can of mace.
Jack stands waiting
Jill gives up and screams
“What the hell!”
She knees him, pushing
Jack against the sunny baked brick wall,
she smiles
he cries out, “Bitch!”

Jack begs
Jill smirks.
She bites his Polo covered nips
he swallows.
Jack smacks her ass
she takes a step back.
She grins
his head spins,
once more, he begs “Please.”
Jill thrashes her head excitingly
cups his blue jeans.
She swivels her hips, licking her lips
each thinking, “Screw me!”

Jill unzips his fly
Jack sighs
Again, they think “Screw me!”
Jill kisses his boxers
she smacks his squirming cheeks,
all the while Jack pleads “Please!”
Jill hears his request grins devilishly, orders
“Hold it, Jack if you wait I’ll make you erupt.”
He retorts, “I can’t wait!”
Jill is annoyed, assesses
He’s only a fool.
Jill frowns, walks away leaving
Jack’s pecker draping down.

Rena Hands January 2008

[dearest]

Great! I love the sudden release of anticipation at the end...very funny. This is actually my favorite of the two All Grown Up poems you've done recently. Great, great work!

[RENA HANDS]

I am exultant to read that you are jubilant with my writings.

And thank you for getting them posted so quickly.

[colinbaker62]

This is very funny indeed. I used to know a girl like 'Jill' once. Then we got married!



Colin

[RENA HANDS]

Ecstatic to read that you not only enjoyed the write, but that you married your sweet hearted thief.

[katofmystery]

this was great! i have nothing bad to say about it at all! i like the disappointment on at the end. . . makes me think that they were both disappointed. . . did you intend it that way or is it just me?

[Brandeno41]

very funny and pervish keep it up

[Rain]

Perversion is funny Good job Rena

[RENA HANDS]

katofmystery, a disappointing ending, yes that was intentional. I wanted to illustrate a variety of emotion and action here (which I accomplished, I think), variety, variety quite possibly even a predictable outcome, but I changed that…lol Happy to read that you enjoyed the write/read.

Brandeon41 (that is an O and Zero)? 'Pervish and funny,’ I like that. And I am happy to read that you too approve of my creation.

Rain, ‘Perversion is funny,’ I agree. But I like combinations; action/comedy. Tragedy/comedy/action. Whatever the mixture, it most work or it’s a failure, but I’m exultant that was not the result here.

Thank you readers for the read obviously then your comments. They are much appreciated.

[Peppy]

:-O I didn't respond to this thread? I was 100% sure I did. ???????

My two-cents:

It was funny in a perverse way. I kind of think sexuality was a funny thing. So, I laughed on most of the parts. Like this--->

Ahhhhh, the thing I liked most about this is the charcteristic traits they kept. I'm not sure if it was your intention, but I still connected the dots--espaecially the ending.


when I read it, I didn't see anything wrong, though I thought some places need commas, but I'm not sure if it would get rid of the fluidity or not.

[The Druid]

Wow!!!! Excellent. Liked the way you put the whole thing together without actually sounding perverse!!! And a very good job with the ending. I was kind of wondering where you would take this and then you did your thing. Hats off!

[RENA HANDS]

Sweet! You enjoyed my twist of irony. I wanted to illustrate a scenario where the story takes place after the children grew up and moved away from the farm and or countryside…lol