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  #1 (permalink)  
Old 15-08-2008, 02:10 PM
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Dances with Words
 
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Poor Lee

Lee, they said,
had a simple head,
and he liked a simple rule.
Like adding “l” and “y”
to known words passing by
made new words, he learned in school.

But once he tried
(yes, the rule he applied)
things lost their sense right away.
Poor Lee, he soon found
his logic wasn’t sound
but he pressed on, dumb Lee, anyway.

He made a small gaffe
of a big belly laugh
when he just couldn’t hear the rings.
And when he willy nilly
called the class windows silly
the teacher told him a few things.

The confusion he felt
was much more than was dealt
When a real ugly girl passed him by.
And he felt so alone
that he, lately, walked home,
that he finally started to cry.

At home, he strained to hear
the words very clear
of the tot they said was nearly talking.
Then his eyes he covered
when he heard them give word
of the kid’s sis who was barely walking.

He sure checked out each side
When his father decried
That the boy had an early leaning.
But Lee quick earned their wrath
when upstairs, from his bath,
he declared he was hardly cleaning.
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Old 16-08-2008, 01:37 AM
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Re: Poor Lee

Hardly your best but not much lee way.....but you are a likely tryer.lol My full rating of 0/2000.
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Old 16-08-2008, 02:10 AM
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Re: Poor Lee

Really? I don't think that rating has been fully appreciated. But interest rates are low these days...

Thanks for your 2 cents. (I almost then said, "In 20 years or so, it might be worth something," but that sounded waaaay too cruel. While clever, that was not my intention. lol Is "cheekily" a word?)
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Old 17-08-2008, 09:49 AM
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Thumbs up Re: Poor Lee

I don’t fully understand its meaning, but I know humor when I read. And this is certainly funny!

What is …When his father decried (is the same as ‘did cry?’)

And this…But Lee (quickly) quick earned their wrath (was quick intended for the purpose of your comical poem?)

You’ve managed not only humor, also a well combination of sadness. Marvelous! 5/5 for this post regardless of my inquires.
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Old 17-08-2008, 01:45 PM
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Re: Poor Lee

Quote:
Originally Posted by RENA HANDS View Post
I don’t fully understand its meaning, but I know humor when I read. And this is certainly funny!

What is …When his father decried (is the same as ‘did cry?’)

And this…But Lee (quickly) quick earned their wrath (was quick intended for the purpose of your comical poem?)

You’ve managed not only humor, also a well combination of sadness. Marvelous! 5/5 for this post regardless of my inquires.
"Decry" is "openly condemn or ridicule".

As far as the "quick"... well, I had just read that many "ly" endings were disappearing from spoken language ("He ran quick", etc.). Since I was adding "ly" to so many things, I decided to leave some that should have had "ly" without ("a real(ly) ugly girl" and "He sure(ly) checked out each side" were two others). It also helped the rhythm in some spots, and I liked the inversion with "Lee" ("Lee quick" instead of "quickly").

So, nice catch, and I appreciate your goodly amount of comments.
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Last edited by Bluejay; 17-08-2008 at 01:47 PM.
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