[Uncle Buck]

Pretty thing to see
perched right beside each other
as if they were engaged in conversation
bobbing their heads in turn
but really only one was making a statement
the other just mocked

One was a red crested warbler
the other was bigger, with a broad beak
sporting a bright yellow vest
I'd never seen the like before

Knowing I only had the one shot
I sort of snuck up behind them
and took it
never one to beat around the bush,
you wanna get stoned?
I blurted

But they twittered away
leaving me to wonder
if they hadn't been a pair
then I ordered a beer

[SeaN]

haha... Buck this is quite funny man. Very good idea. I second that- welcome.

how about some punctuation? Unless there as a reason for ambiguity, I think you should at least enclose in quotation:

'you wanna get stoned?'

Also, I tend to be a bit stricter about inserting periods and commas in my work- for I feel it tightens up the ideas. This is personal opinion though.

There's nothing spectacular about the flow, and there is no identifiable form or rhythm, but I like this one for the twist at the end. Makes you think. We are in desperate need of some comedic relief around here, and I believe this one will go over well!

Great participation so far, by the way.

[Uncle Buck]

Thanks, SeaN, I did originally have that line italicized, but I'm still getting used to the formatting.

[Phonoho]

This reminded me of the side-splitting Fear and Loathing in Las Vagas. Shooting pool on acid in a bar in Mexico, huh?Ever been to a tiki bar? Happens all the time. I think the punchline is a little too blunt. It's dropped in our laps in a rather uninventive way.

[Syrah]

Let's see. Seems like most of what I'm about to say has been stated but I'm going to restate anyways....

The meter is erratic, and without punctuation it leaves the reader guessing at pauses that interrupt the good things about your poem. Adding and subtracting words can create a solid meter and punctuation can improve readability while keeping your content. For example...

Pretty thing to see
perched right beside each other,
as if engaged in conversation
bobbing their heads in turn,
but only one made a statement
the other just mocked,

One was a red crested warbler
the other bigger, with a broad beak,
sporting a bright yellow vest
the like I'd never before seen

Knowing I had only one shot
I sort of snuck up from behind
-and took it -
never one to beat around the bush,
you wanna get stoned?
I blurted

But they twittered away
leaving me to wonder,
if they hadn't been a pair?
"Hey mister, another beer!"

This is just a quick interpretation from me trying to use your words but hopefully I have shown clearly enough my point of view. The meter seems stronger.... an easier read... and I, personally, think that the way the punchline is delivered is a little more fitting rhythm wise and how the words sound within the stanza itself. I like this--- it is good work but I think your work here would improve itself if you put the meter and readability into consideration while editing.

[Uncle Buck]

Very helpful. Thanks!