There is a burning flame
That is still alive in me,
And has been since centuries,
Unextinguished.
What is it made of,
And what is its color?
Who has kept the flame
Alive for so long?
For it is cold outside,
And it has been since centuries,
The time when all my warmth has dissipated,
And cold reality has taken its place.
Sometimes its fingers
I can feel as ice,
Travelling down my spine,
And catching me by surprise.
But then this flame appears,
And fights like a warrior;
To keep me warm,
And keep me alive.
For it is cold outside
And I have long since died;
But there is a flame inside me
That still keeps me alive.
And I know the voice that speaks:
"Follow me", it says.
And the flame keeps me warm
For the rest of the days.
Hirak.
__________________ Who has understood the meaning of time,
For time alone is a mirage of a kind.
For to find time, is a dream of Man,
To be a man, whom time shall find.
Hirak.
Last edited by Dala Isyrias; 04-12-2007 at 02:02 AM.
not a single reply on this poem!!!! well, Hirak, I think that the intent and message behind it is worth listening to and I liked your use of phrases like
Quote:
its fingers
I can feel as ice,
Travelling down my spine,
and
Quote:
The time when all my warmth has dissipated,
And cold reality has taken its place.
These are the kinds of lines that make a poem good. If you could write a poem with those kinds of powerful, evocative words, I think you could be selling books in no time. As long as you could back the words up with truly meaningful reflections or thoughts.
Also, I like poems that ask questions. Because they behoove the reader to think for themselves instead of being told off by the poet.
Thanks, I'm working on asking questions.. but in a way that the answers are hidden in the words themselves.
__________________ Who has understood the meaning of time,
For time alone is a mirage of a kind.
For to find time, is a dream of Man,
To be a man, whom time shall find.
I'm surprised this doesn't have more comments. I have always been fond of your work and this is really good. You have a way with words... your language is beautifully evocative and yes, the lines Jenn mentioned are my favourites as well. Wonderfully done.
Hi, I'm back after a long time. Hope to get involved back soon, was busy with life in general. Not sure if I can write anymore, but I can read, and offer my crits If those are any value, lol.
Nupur, thank you once again. Its good to be back!
__________________ Who has understood the meaning of time,
For time alone is a mirage of a kind.
For to find time, is a dream of Man,
To be a man, whom time shall find.
Very interesting poem--it has a very mystical feel to it. Your rhythm is consistent, and you have some nice imagery going on here. One confusing stanza:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hirak
Sometimes its fingers
I can feel as ice,
Travelling down my spine,
And catching me by surprise.
I had a real problem with the wording here on the first two lines. I spent a good minute or two contemplating what you were trying to say, and I think it's mainly the order of the words. Maybe something like this would make your idea more clear:
Sometimes I can feel its fingers,
Bitter and cold as ice,
Travelling down my spine,
And catching me by surprise.
Otherwise, this is nice. Well done!
__________________
"Into your eyes,
Hopeless and taken,
We stole our lives,
Through blood and pain,
In defense of our dreams."
I too get the fantasy vibe....... I like simplicity of your structure and it definitely leaves a lot of room for growth
__________________
I created the sound of madness, wrote the book on pain and yet, I'm still here to explain.
That the darkest hour never comes in the night, you can sleep with a gun....but when ya gonna wake up and fight.......for yourself -Shinedown
Re: The keeper of the flame
Linear Mode
