Free to Live

[Tay M.]

All of my ghosts and devils are free
They can now stop haunting me
Because I am a different guy
I don't cry, I don't lie
I laugh, and I smile
No more sadness or denial

At last I can be at peace
This pain has been released
I can move on to something new
Something rich, something true
Live my life at last
I can let go of the past

[Venomous Vixen]

All of my ghosts and devils are free
They can now stop haunting me

I like how you played with the "They can now", normally it would be Now they can... but you swapped and it fits in perfectly, and very poetically.

Because I am a different guy
I don't cry, I don't lie

I may suggest a hyphen after the word "lie" since the tone changes going down to the next line, it gives the reader a moment to reflect.

I laugh, and I smile
No more sadness or denial

I loved the form in there, the previous line and this were mirrored, and then again you throw two more things out there. Very nice, very good flow.

At last I can be at peace
That pain has been released

"That pain", something seemed off, like it should be "this pain" as we are familiar with it now, but I could be wrong there and I think both are correct... just what sounds better.

I can move on to something new
Something rich, something true

This was great, something rich, something true... in that sentence you basically say that the other was the opposite, and I love that!

Live my life at last
I can forget the past

Here is my only real gripe... the last line. You say "forget" and that almost seems like hiding from it, or shoving it away... maybe something more like "let go of" or "release"... it sounds more like you have come to terms with it and can walk away rather than you can't deal so you stuff it away if that makes sense.

Regardless, amazing jobs and perhaps my favorite from you to date.

[Tay M.]

Thanks Bri, I'll take a look at those and probably change a lot of it if not all. I appreciate it.

[Nupur]

Good one there, Tay! I love how you're working more on your poetry now. This is a big improvement. Well done. I love this one.

[Lubesh]

Yep, progress in each turn.

Another thing caught my eye was as we also can get caught up in rhymes often to point of distraction adn forced as a means to an end I was glad to see slotted in there a diff perspective re intenral rhymes which breaks the monotony and gives it added wotists.
I'd love to see you attempt more and then later, if is ur want, non rhyme..jsut talk to us....now that would be a treat in itself.

Because I am a different guy
I don't cry, I don't lie

Nice though!

[Tay M.]

Thanks Lu and Nup

[xtremelady]

Very worthy of nomination the bliss of letting go – beautiful expression of this and the relief that come when we do. Uplifting N1

[Tay M.]

Thank you

[dorian hanes]

Take any suggestions by Venomous Vixen to heart...

What about…

At last I cab be at peace
This pain has been released
I can move on to something new
Something rich, something true
Live my life at last
I have escaped/surpassed by past

Other than my thought (and I am in doubt myself to strengthen the last) I can see why this submission has become nominated for POTM. 4/5 for my personal vote!

[Tay M.]

Thanks for the review Rena

[Peppy]

Bravo! Now that sounds liberating, I wish I could feel that free. I'm actually envious of this piece. You make "freedom" sound refreshing--though it may maybe. Sounds like what was learned was learned.

Nice piece, Rain.

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