[Lubesh]

I wrote a song for you
A false lullaby
I had words for you
Lies to make you cry
I sang a song for you
Yet you never asked why
Suffering the unending
beating
Of unruly and cruelly chorded
Rhythms
All the while keeping in time
To the vicious verse
Less than lyrical
More than venom
Poised in its hanging frame
Suspended
Out on a stray note
Like your senses
Mesmerised by a cobra’s stabbing hiss
Playing on your ears so naturally amiss
And out of sync
With the whole chorus of this
A love song
In which nothing much happened at all
But you sang it to a fool
Whose heart swayed
To its beat
Whose hope was raised from her feet
A savage song
A mood song
Inspirational
And so, inspired I became

[Phonoho]

You know how I read your work personally sometimes. That's more a credit to your ability to speak in intimate tones and spare wording without being too colloquial. I feel as if I've been caught reading a song you wrote to me.

[Peppy]

Damn, this is good. It's wicked and nice. Makes me want to...makes me want to...something, like jump out and sing...or something. Your tone was lovely, I couldn't take my eyes off it.

Playing on yours ears so naturally amiss

[Lubesh]

Thanks phon....i like that aspect and pepy thankyou, good catch.

[Vorcla]

Originally Posted by Lubesh;

Mesmerised by a cobra’s stabbing hiss

Ah, that's tasty.

Nicely done, Lu. Extremely well done, actually. Don't know what else to say. I loved this.

Damned fine.

[Lubesh]

Thank you.

[Syrah]

I loved the tonality and word usage in this piece. I must admit all the capitals got to be a bit much to me this time around, but has the potential to grow on me.

Of unruly and cruelly chorded
Rhythms
All the while keeping in time
To the vicious verse
Less than lyrical
More than venom
Poised in its hanging frame
Suspended
Out on a stray note

I love the play on words here. Going from musical to beastial to object back to music. Everything tied together so well here that it was a lovely roll of the tongue.

[Lubesh]

Thanks for that Sy.