Go Back   StoriesMania - short stories, poems, and more online fiction > Reading Corner > Poetic Cafe [Advanced Verse] > Love/Romance

ForwardPress

Notices

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 14-04-2008, 01:06 AM
Lubesh's Avatar
Big Boss
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne UK
Posts: 7,650
Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!
Points: 40,427,094.47
Bank: 0.00
Total Points: 40,427,094.47
Meh, for shits and giggles. - Vail Virtual for now. But you know where my heart is. Keep the kettle warm. - Bluejay I'll always give you donuts. Or dognuts. Or e-whatevers. Though the non-e ones are better. - Bluejay Because one can always use a pack of these.  Miss you! - Venomous Vixen To keep the rain and thunder and unwanted showers away. (And off that d**n box., too lol) - Bluejay 
Send a message via AIM to Lubesh Send a message via Yahoo to Lubesh
A Moment

Moment by moment
brush stroke and stroking
Captivated and lost in a single token

Silken oneness flows mid length
To grace the curves that calls his strength
Soothing bristles glide and preen
He breathes her aura from pristine sheen
Each strand he holds before firm fingers release
In slow motion, a gleam of inner peace...

Untangling devoutly each small knot, out of place and brought about
by sheer tussles of want, of life and day to day hopes of futures
amid the wrestling bouts. Through sunned pane’s translucent
bare, resounds a glint, and a glimmer of dream layered densely there.
Playing on the strands of fanned tress’s stare, when he brushes
he has such hopes for them.

Cast, he sees a reflection not his own, but her deeper sanctuary
hidden, alone. Ensconced within yet she melts the glass; subdued,
and happy to to be second class out of view. Falling hair masks deeper
the thoughts he seeks as he runs a wooden handle to free a peek,
hoping for a glimpse, a secreted yearning into her simplest desires,
always they are uncomplicated and demand nought of what sometimes
life requires.

Smoothed, the chaos and unkempt, taut unrest, she throws back
her hair and lets his chest take the brunt of laughter and the comfort
she finds in there as she swings her head followed by hopes and illicit dreams
and unaware that she delves deep into his eyes, still searching
from behind his own tousled lair.
__________________
Did you know...points are up for grabs....just for entering...

250 - LIMERICK, CFPC, 55, EMWE, 1000, TotM, 1000 WC
100 - VOTING IN A CONTEST POLL, YES, JUST VOTING!

Comp/Challenges

FFFC, CFPC, 1000-Word Challenge, Limerick,ToTM, EMWE, GQC

Disclaimer: All errors are intentional, and if not, add them to your signature.
(c) Inya Face disclaimer company
Reply With Quote
Old 14-04-2008, 01:29 AM
Venomous Vixen's Avatar
The Cat's Meow
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 4,571
Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!Venomous Vixen is so hot right now!
Points: 289,154.91
Bank: 52,273,577.29
Total Points: 52,562,732.20
Happy you day! :) Forget about the numbers ;) - Syrah The black rose is my favorite of all so I give it to you as a thank you....... Reading your writing is such a pleasure that nice comments come easy - psycosis Miss you - badly. But you know that... - Vorcla Hey - think I just missed you...  :( - Vorcla Hi there! I miss you too! Hows my online drinking buddy? - Wordsmyth 
Send a message via MSN to Venomous Vixen Send a message via Yahoo to Venomous Vixen Send a message via Skype™ to Venomous Vixen
Re: A Moment

Quote:
Cast, he see a reflection not his own, but her deeper sanctuary
sees or can see?

I got a bit lost midway but think I made it back on course. Usually you weave something through the entire piece, like that of the brushes and strokes in the beginning, but here, midway, you let that bit go and touched on something more real. I sort of liked that, the cloak of a metaphor and then no more. There was also something very sexual about this one, though it was never flat out said it seemed very erotic.

Well done, as always and you are getting some meaty ones out of you lately!
__________________
"Money doesn't talk, it swears." -Bob Dylan
"Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise." -Alice Walker
"I don't know if I can live on my income or not - the government won't let me try it." -Bob Thaves
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmyth View Post
See I'm not worried at all. Bri would save the alcohol and her wolfman in the process.
Reply With Quote
Old 14-04-2008, 01:38 AM
Lubesh's Avatar
Big Boss
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne UK
Posts: 7,650
Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!
Points: 40,427,094.47
Bank: 0.00
Total Points: 40,427,094.47
Meh, for shits and giggles. - Vail Virtual for now. But you know where my heart is. Keep the kettle warm. - Bluejay I'll always give you donuts. Or dognuts. Or e-whatevers. Though the non-e ones are better. - Bluejay Because one can always use a pack of these.  Miss you! - Venomous Vixen To keep the rain and thunder and unwanted showers away. (And off that d**n box., too lol) - Bluejay 
Send a message via AIM to Lubesh Send a message via Yahoo to Lubesh
Re: A Moment

Thanks bri and yes....it is or can be semi erotic and sweet and stuff in the guise of a simple gesture lol so i darent put anymore ...overkill but u got there.
__________________
Did you know...points are up for grabs....just for entering...

250 - LIMERICK, CFPC, 55, EMWE, 1000, TotM, 1000 WC
100 - VOTING IN A CONTEST POLL, YES, JUST VOTING!

Comp/Challenges

FFFC, CFPC, 1000-Word Challenge, Limerick,ToTM, EMWE, GQC

Disclaimer: All errors are intentional, and if not, add them to your signature.
(c) Inya Face disclaimer company
Reply With Quote
Old 14-04-2008, 04:50 AM
Vorcla's Avatar
Bri's Dark Angel
Photobucket
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
Posts: 5,395
Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!Vorcla is so hot right now!
Points: 685,145.41
Bank: 81,562,145.53
Total Points: 82,247,290.94
Happy burthday! You're like superman you can get thru anything! Don't you ever forget that. xo - Dark-huntress Sending good wishes and thoughts - Kalinda Just, for you, I see you.  Bet wishes. - Lubesh Why can we give these as gifts?  I hate doing headrolls, there's always that one angle you bend to and you're like "WHY THE HELL DID I DO THAT?"  Likewise, because I can =P - 'Ginnis Awesome news, Rick! - Kalinda 
Send a message via MSN to Vorcla
Re: A Moment

I missed this - trying to catch up. Nice. Sometimes what is unsaid is as important as what is said. Took me a long time to realize that, but I think I'm better for it. Very subtle - and I definitely get a sexual vibe from this, Understated, though, which is perfect. Good job, as always, Lu.
__________________
.

"I wanted revenge - whenever somebody kills me, I tend to get a little upset..."



.
Reply With Quote
Old 14-04-2008, 04:54 AM
Lubesh's Avatar
Big Boss
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne UK
Posts: 7,650
Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!
Points: 40,427,094.47
Bank: 0.00
Total Points: 40,427,094.47
Meh, for shits and giggles. - Vail Virtual for now. But you know where my heart is. Keep the kettle warm. - Bluejay I'll always give you donuts. Or dognuts. Or e-whatevers. Though the non-e ones are better. - Bluejay Because one can always use a pack of these.  Miss you! - Venomous Vixen To keep the rain and thunder and unwanted showers away. (And off that d**n box., too lol) - Bluejay 
Send a message via AIM to Lubesh Send a message via Yahoo to Lubesh
Re: A Moment

Thanks Rick...
__________________
Did you know...points are up for grabs....just for entering...

250 - LIMERICK, CFPC, 55, EMWE, 1000, TotM, 1000 WC
100 - VOTING IN A CONTEST POLL, YES, JUST VOTING!

Comp/Challenges

FFFC, CFPC, 1000-Word Challenge, Limerick,ToTM, EMWE, GQC

Disclaimer: All errors are intentional, and if not, add them to your signature.
(c) Inya Face disclaimer company
Reply With Quote
Old 14-04-2008, 11:24 AM
dorian hanes's Avatar
Resident Writer
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,770
dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!dorian hanes is so hot right now!
Points: 19,107.02
Bank: 0.00
Total Points: 19,107.02
Thumbs up Re: A Moment

This is awkward, but it might just be me…
Quote:
and a glimmer of dream(s) layered densely there.
(Perhaps the (s))?

Also, I don’t think you need the comma here…
Quote:
Playing on the strands of fanned tress’s stare,
You originally had the comma after 'the.'

What is ‘ensconced?’

Did you mean ‘hair?’
Quote:
…from behind his own tousled lair. hair?
I see two ‘masked’ lovers unable to reveal themselves even if they are in a group of other ‘concealed’ individuals. The eeriness, prohibition of ‘love’ and all its turmoil emotions…you captured the ‘conflicted’ situation extremely well.

My rating 5/5!
__________________
If you'd like to express Yourself ...please call 1-800-WHATEVER (lol)
Reply With Quote
Old 14-04-2008, 12:00 PM
Lubesh's Avatar
Big Boss
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Newcastle upon Tyne UK
Posts: 7,650
Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!Lubesh is so hot right now!
Points: 40,427,094.47
Bank: 0.00
Total Points: 40,427,094.47
Meh, for shits and giggles. - Vail Virtual for now. But you know where my heart is. Keep the kettle warm. - Bluejay I'll always give you donuts. Or dognuts. Or e-whatevers. Though the non-e ones are better. - Bluejay Because one can always use a pack of these.  Miss you! - Venomous Vixen To keep the rain and thunder and unwanted showers away. (And off that d**n box., too lol) - Bluejay 
Send a message via AIM to Lubesh Send a message via Yahoo to Lubesh
Re: A Moment

Thanks rena one of those was right..lol but i'll take the five!

Also ensconced is - two dictionary doings as i'd mess it up.

To settle (oneself) securely or comfortably: She ensconced herself in an armchair.
To place or conceal in a secure place.
__________________
Did you know...points are up for grabs....just for entering...

250 - LIMERICK, CFPC, 55, EMWE, 1000, TotM, 1000 WC
100 - VOTING IN A CONTEST POLL, YES, JUST VOTING!

Comp/Challenges

FFFC, CFPC, 1000-Word Challenge, Limerick,ToTM, EMWE, GQC

Disclaimer: All errors are intentional, and if not, add them to your signature.
(c) Inya Face disclaimer company
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
None



Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT +9. The time now is 09:43 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2010, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.1.0 ©2007, Crawlability, Inc.
A vBSkinworks Design
Copyright © 1999 - 2009, StoriesMania.Net