[Rain]

I look into your beautiful green eyes
And see everything that we could be
And everything that could happen
The good, the bad, the great, the terrible

I look into your beautiful green eyes
And see one of my closest friends
Someone who is there for me anytime
Someone I can trust with anything

I look into your beautiful green eyes
And see what could all collapse
Everything that could ruin this
Everything that could break us and hurt us

I look into your beautiful green eyes
And see the future
Love, marriage, kids
A home, A family, A foundation

I look into your beautiful green eyes
And see us never speaking again
Our hate and distaste for each other
Our anger and frustration for each other

I look into your beautiful green eyes
And see how much I love you
How much I would give to have you
How much I would sacrifice for you to be mine

I look into your beautiful green eyes
And see a confusion that I can't bear
I know I want you, but the questions taunt me
I know I want you, but is it the right decision?

I look into your beautiful green eyes
And see someone who I would do anything for
I would protect from the obscene and unclean
I would shield you from the ugly and painful

I look into your beautiful green eyes
And see someone who makes me feel alive
Who opened my eyes and showed me beauty
Who opened my eyes and let love in

I look into your beautiful green eyes
And see the side of me in doubt
It shows me that I'm not willing to take the risk
It shows me that I'm not willing to jump for this

I look into your beautiful green eyes
And see who I want to be with
The person who is right for me
The person who I was made for
The person I'm supposed to be with
The person I'm supposed to have
The person who I want to have a family with
The person who I want to create a home with


But I can tell it in your beautiful green eyes
You don't feel this way about me
I can tell that you don't love me
You don't want me as I want you


So it looks like I'm stuck.....

[Nupur]

The good the bad, the great the horrible

You gotta place commas:

The good, the bad, the great, the horrible

Also, I'm not too sure about your word selection. 'Horrible' doesn't seem to fit in with the tone of the poem. Try to think of another word to place there.

And see what could all callapse

Typo.

Kids, Marriage, Love
A home, A family, A foundation

Opposite order in the first line. Lol. But I like it. Is the capitalization intentional? Looks alright without it too.

I would shield you from the ugly and painful to watch

This line was long as compared to the one preceding it and that really messed up the flow. Consider deleting 'to watch'? It's perfect once you delete it.

Overall, it was a good effort and I like the fact that you're continuing to write. The repetition was a bit too much, but I guess this was one poem where you're trying to drive it forward only with the help of repetition. So that can't really be helped. What I liked best about it was the fact that you didn't try to rhyme. It would have been really contrived. (We discussed this the other day.) Good effort, Tay.

[Hirak]

Just gonna say that parts of the poem are good and parts of it patchy and prosaic. you need to work on your finishing also..

Hirak.

[Rain]

Alright thanks Hirak, I'll definitly work on that. Appreciate it

[Peppy]

It was good. The repition worked well for me,--I look into your beautiful green eyes--it wasn't over the top. It was a good read. But I thought the ending was kind of sad. Placing your poem in the Love/Romance section is kind of deceiving, my opion entirely. Maybe Sorrow/something.

[Rain]

I certainly see you point Peppy, ending was a bit sad, and it needs to be worked on too, kinda plain, I don't know. Appeciate the comments, I'll get to work on a much better ending sooner or later hopefully. Thanks.

[PaulJJ]

But I can tell it in your beautiful green eyes
You don't feel this way about me
I can tell that you don't love me
You don't want me as I want you

Wow what a crushing ending, it was really warm till the end . wouldn’t it be nice to be able to see into the future and see if everything would be alright, to see if everything would work out...but i guess if you did then it wouldn’t be all so exciting.


I really felt the confusion, the whole should I shouldn’t I. I know just how it feels, and you have written it brilliantly.


I look into your beautiful green eyes
And see someone who makes me feel alive
Who opened my eyes and showed me beauty
Who opened my eyes and let love in

I loved that part, beautiful.

[Rain]

Thanks buddy, I appreciate you taking a look and commenting. Believe it or not, but it worked out for me lol. Let's just tonight we're going to see Batman. BOOOYAKASHA!

[PaulJJ]

HAHA nice. Batman is da bomb. let me know what you think.

[Vorcla]

Hey -

I don't know squat about meter and cadence and all that poetry stuff, but I loved the emotion in this - and the sucker-punch ending.

[Rakkasan]

I liked this for the most part. I did have a problem with the excessive repetition, and beleive that you could eliminate it altogether. I'm sure it would lose none of the momentum, but rather might move it along more smoothly. Even so, it is very captivating.