[lost_girl]

I keep missing you
Everyday and every hour
I'm thinking of where you are,
What you're doing.
And I can't wait
to lie in your embrace.

I'm a piece of cheese,
I love you so much
there are colors out there.
Where all was once black,
or just plain white.

You made me find
some kind of life.
Only if you were here
to hold my hand
The same way everyday
as you hold my heart.

[Gigle]

This is certainly interesting.. It manages to flow well even without a rhyme scheme, and you threw in a black/white piece.

Please explain the first line of the second stanza!!! confused

[Storiesmaniac]

im a piece of cheese? what the ....? any ways i think this could be a little better, not that it's bad now, indeed no i like it now, but i think you could make it better.

[Gigle]

Yea I agree stories, the cheese is confusing! very confuzzling actually.

[lost_girl]

Originally Posted by Gigle

This is certainly interesting.. It manages to flow well even without a rhyme scheme, and you threw in a black/white piece.

Please explain the first line of the second stanza!!! confused

I'm not a romantic person but I wanted to write about this 'love' so I tried. I usually call it cheesy when people in the movies or fairytales end up together, or being in true love.
I wrote that because I kept thinking, I'm such a peice of cheese as in, I feel like one of those girls in the fairytales with butterflies and a perfect romance.

I know I probably didn't convey the feeling too well but I tried....

[superbum]

Originally Posted by lost_girl

I'm not a romantic person but I wanted to write about this 'love' so I tried. I usually call it cheesy when people in the movies or fairytales end up together, or being in true love.
I wrote that because I kept thinking, I'm such a peice of cheese as in, I feel like one of those girls in the fairytales with butterflies and a perfect romance.

I know I probably didn't convey the feeling too well but I tried....

I think that is really creative, the kind of thing that takes real thought to understand. I wish I had got it with out you telling us, the meaning is makes alot of sense afterwards.

This poems ok, I nice one to recite to a loved one or something.

[spinx]

I had trouble with the cheese part it was just ok for me.

[Sabrina]

I have to agree....the piece of cheese part had me a little confused....but other than that, the poem was nice...

[NLuv]

i got the cheese part all right w/o reading the explanation, love how you tried to use that metphor, its different and cheesy lol
i think the poem is cute and sweet

[CarnalSigh]

It's very gentle and touching, an expression of how you feel without going into a lot of detail. Bravo on holding that line. The ONLY thing I felt kinda....um....iffy about, is the cheese. So pardon me if I suggest that you....cut the cheese, and rewrite that line.

[Peppy]

Well, well, I didn't know you posted eight stuff, I'm going to read them all one day. Today, tomorrow, one of these days.

The poem I have to say is good. The poem is so you, I can actually hear you say it in your attitude. I think I always liked your stuff, though you never shared any with me when I come around. This is the only way I can see your work.

If you ever come back, either from my hounding or your boredom, this comment is waiting for you.

BTW, the cheese - well, is obviously all you.

[RENA HANDS]

A bit short for my taste. The imagery and illustration of emotion could be expanded upon. But if you leave as is, some of the images are respectable.

[Rain]

It was interesting... I think anybody who's actually been in love at a young age it feels pretty cheesy... alll the serious conversations... in the end it just turns out to be a big cheese fest so I took that in my own way... The whole poem was quite cute, the way you phrased things... and I really like your lines... Good stuff.