I like the rhythm and cadence of this; I can almost hear a melody. Still not quite sure about "The opposite feeling..." line - I still stumble a little there - but I still haven't been able to think of anything to replace it. Cleanly written, and your emotion is right there, which is the most important thing for me.
Nice work, honny.
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"I wanted revenge - whenever somebody kills me, I tend to get a little upset..."
I found a Syrah song!!! . I loved the rhythm, and the 'Ooo Ooo' Because that's something I think people might hesitate to put in the lyrics while in print. I have some song sheets from albums I have and they don't have the 'Ooo's, Oh's, Ah's' All of those things. And when I read this I can definitely tell you have the rhythm and melody in your head. I can almost hear it... well my interpretation that is. Great lyrics, Sy. I really missed your stuff, almost as much as I miss you. .
__________________ "Angels lie to keep control. If you still care don't ever let me know."-Slipknot
Great lyrics and very powerful – they way these played in my head was reminiscent of Whitney Houston style. Excellent rhythm that just draws you in and the concept works for me. Like Rick I did stumble over that one line and would like to offer this for your consideration;
That the opposite is true.
Realise this suggestion doesn’t match with rhyme, however this isn’t always necessary - so only take as a consideration.
I like this less but thought would offer anyway;
Just the opposite darling
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Time; an elusive element to a creative mind. For the story burns to be expressed, flooding the mind, seeking an outlet. Red brimmed eyes and dark circles fore-tells a deeper story, echoed in a mirrors reflection. - my story.
Last edited by xtremelady; 16-02-2009 at 05:11 AM.
Reason: spell
Hmm. Not sure of that line exlicitly like that but I may play with that to change the line... I'm thinking that the way I picture someone singing the line works, while it doesn't transpose so neatly to the page.... now to get both would be awesome. Thank you very much! And it is very nice to see you back and I especially love the comment and attention paid to my piece. I thank you mucho
Great to be back - guess you replied before I updated response and yes you use your own judgement in this - it’s easy to bring one’s own visualisation to lyrics which doesn’t automatically mean will be way author visualised it - I agree whole heartedly with this
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Time; an elusive element to a creative mind. For the story burns to be expressed, flooding the mind, seeking an outlet. Red brimmed eyes and dark circles fore-tells a deeper story, echoed in a mirrors reflection. - my story.
I liked the idea behind this song and I liked the lyrics but I'm just not to crazy about Oooo's. They just didnt feel right. But, that's just my opinion. The rest of the lyrics were great and you're right, the word feeling would probaly sound fine with someone singing it. Good song.
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"Life is like train barreling down the tracks and guess what, it's gonna hit you. You have two choices, you can turn and run from it or pull up a chair, crack open a beer and just watch it come."
I don't know. Maybe a rock/pop type feel for this one. But considering there is no musical background as of yet, always subject to change. Thank you - I am very glad you liked it!
I know, and I love the Eagles, maybe its just seeing them on paper that makes them feel out of place.
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"Life is like train barreling down the tracks and guess what, it's gonna hit you. You have two choices, you can turn and run from it or pull up a chair, crack open a beer and just watch it come."
I'm sure it is all in the delivery. Sometimes "oo"s and "ahh"s are overkill. In my head it works- but I can see how someone who doesn't have my particular melody in their head might find it such. That and music is very subjective in the first place. I am not willing to edit those out because the melody in my head won't really work without them.
. I loved the rhythm, and the 'Ooo Ooo' Because that's something I think people might hesitate to put in the lyrics while in print. I have some song sheets from albums I have and they don't have the 'Ooo's, Oh's, Ah's' All of those things. And when I read this I can definitely tell you have the rhythm and melody in your head. I can almost hear it... well my interpretation that is. Great lyrics, Sy. I really missed your stuff, almost as much as I miss you. 
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Sorry it took me so long to find that you found it. And I'm very glad you liked it. Til next time hon- 
Thank you - I am very glad you liked it!
Linear Mode
