[Eva Marie]

Prologue to the Elf’s Tale

This tale is unfamiliar to young and new
but it is remembered by old and few.
A tale of old that makes no sense,
a tale of all hopelessness.
And I bid you, come near to me now,
for I will tell this to you somehow.
I will keep this short, it is a revision,
but I will tell this tale with all precision.

The Elf’s Tale

It once was that the king of the land
had death nearly by the hand.
His three sons he called near,
knowing that his time was dear.
‘My sons, I am ill and dying in bed,
one of you must rule instead.
Listen closely, for you have a task;
'what is this' you may ask.
First, go out and bring me a thing,
a cloth so fine that I may fit it through my ring.’
So the sons set out that handsome day,
to seek the cloth that they may.
Eventually coming to a fork-in-the-road,
they split up to see what it showed.
The eldest on the left, the youngest on the right,
the middle in the middle, it seemed alright.
The eldest said ‘I bid you farewell for a while,
we will meet again in a long mile.’
They traveled on, each finding town and city,
the eldest and the youngest buying all cloth without humility.
Our friend, the middle son
found nothing so fine under the torrid sun.
He sat down at a well to take a cool drink,
he had found it rather hard to think.
‘What may I do,’ he thought to himself.
‘There is a chance I could help,’ said an Elf.
‘I would be glad for some help, my friend.
I wish this journey could just end.’
'Tell me, sir, what ails you?
I can only help if it is not the flu,'
the Elf said with a wink.
Our dear prince, his heart did not sink.
'My father, the king, has sent me out
to find the finest cloth about.
My good Elf, I fear that my brothers
have found the cloth not like the others.'
The Elf said to him, 'take this my friend,
it may look only a rag, but it will pay in the end.'
So the young prince brought it back to his father
yearning to see if his was the better.
The young prince's brothers returned also
with a score of carriages abundant more so.
The prince was worried for
the others had so much more.
The sons were brought to their father
to try their cloth and tether.
So the cloth was tried one by one,
the score of carriages were soon done.
'My son, middle in age.
Should I have your lot brought by a page?'
thus asked the king.
'No, my father, no need to ring!
For I have my cloth in my pocket,
kept close to me as if a locket.'
So the young prince took out his ware,
He handed it to his father with no look of despair.
This son was surprised, for his rag had exchanged
its rag-like looks for Elfin cloth renowned.
The brothers gasped, for it was so fine,
it fit through the king's ring in no time.
'My son,' the king said, 'you did well.
The kingdom is yours, all go and tell.'
The king later died and was laid to rest,
the middle brother ruled his best.
His brothers helped him all they could,
he made good pacts with his Elfin friend.
Trusting others when you are in doubt
is something that we can't go without.

[Eva Marie]

Yay! It's up!

[RENA HANDS]

What about saying…saga, epic, chronicle or narrative in place of the second ‘tale?’

I think you should capitalize King.

Also possibly restate by saying…

There once was a King of massive lands ?

he had Death nearly by his hands.

(*Capitalize Death in this instance).

Does it change the rhyme/count if I suggest…

knowing his time was dear. ?

(*If so then disregard my suggestion).

Possibly ‘ill’ instead of ‘sick.’

…what is this you may ask.

I think...

What is this you may ask?

Can a day be ‘handsome?’ What about marvelous, splendid or beautiful day?

What about saying…

we’ll reunite with many smiles ?

What about saying…

each searching every town and city, ?

What about...the eldest(find some other word)

…the mature and adolescent purchasing many cloths without humility. ?

For dramatics, why not add…

found nothing so fine under the baking sun. ?

(*Take out enough because you have mentioned ‘fine’).

I think you mean…

What ‘can’ I do

This Elf just appeared suddenly?

I wouldn’t say

…Our sir(,) Prince, his heart did not sink.

Rather…Our (dearest) Prince, his heart did not sink. ?

Again…

My father, the (great) King has set me out ?

What about…

My good Elf, I fear that my brothers have found such a cloth not like any other. ?

You are beginning speech so,

Take this

What about…

it may appear only as rags, but it will pay out in the end. ?

Capitalize Prince.

Possibly...

So the juvenile Prince returned home to his father ?

You mean…

yearning to see if he was the better.

To completely change the scenery…

Triumphant, the Princes returned home,

it was an empire much like ancient Rome. ?

Or something relating to a lavishly well established Roman home.

I would strongly suggest giving all three Princes an individual name.

Are you certain of ‘tether,’ is it not to join(v), tie, bind or secure?

…thus asked the King.

What about…

No, my father, no need to ring(!)

it lies(lays) in my pocket,

very close to my heart, as if a (sacred) locket,

Watch your capitalizations.

The sentence about the Elfin cloth renowned, seems awkward, maybe it’s just me. ?

King’s ring

…the King said,

(You) did well

What about saying

…My kingdom is yours,

What about…

Later that day, the King was laid to rest

the middle brother would rule his best ?

What about…

His brothers assisted when they could,

he made many pacts with his Elfin friend. ?

(Still a bit awkward, but you can work that).

I much enjoyed the ‘moral lesson,’ behind this delightful tale.

I rate 3/5!

[Eva Marie]

I'll see what I can do.