[DarkPower]

Dark lady washes in the ford
The crimson blood from a cloak
As soldiers watch her when they pass
She is their warning, yet their hope.

Silent prayers go to her
As they walk through the fields,
on their way to meet their fate

Crows cry in the sky,
The battlefields await.

'Weary of heart do not hang thus
Do not hang your heart so low
Of sing song voices dream
ignore the call of raven and crow

cast your eyes high above
pray to the gods, and seek thy love
hold her close until that time
As daylight comes
keep war in mind
up mountains climb

Battle ready, sword in hand
valliant with passion
Free thy land'

Steadily, on their feet they turn
Strong and sure they run
Skin laced with blue armor,
not coloured by the sun.

Yet, one soldier of this company,
though filled with dread of death to come
Felt in his heart the love,
he had but lately won.

For nights before he lay in wait,
of a pretty maid to change his fate
Raven her hair, as silk it did seem.
Dark eyes of the deep, with opal's bright gleam.

No words did they utter in the quiet of the night
No thought did they let slip, peace till first light
No word did they need give, when fell morn came
But softly she kissed lips ordained to be slain.

Save, never did he think to die,
nor that fate would lead him thus.
As the raven cried toward the sky
In it, he placed his complete trust.

But alas in battle came a behest
With tear streaked eyes he runs
Lochaber held tight across the chest
His heart beat madly with the drums

[Lubesh]

That really is very good...especially 'Skin laced with blue armour, not coloured by the sun...'

This line was a bit odd though....'Steady on they turn their feet> Steadily, on their feet they turn.....or Steady on their feet, they turn'.... perhaps. Not sure where u want it though, I'll leave that to you.

[DarkPower]

thank you lubesh. and thanks for the suggestion I wasnt quite sure about that either.

[The Druid]

really great stuff.

[DarkPower]

thank you Kota.. I am still not satisfied with it but I may put up a note to the reader like you suggested.

[DarkPower]

I have gone back and done a bit of rearanging and changing and adding so anyone please comment and suggest anything

[Lubesh]

yes even better, good stuff dp

[DarkPower]

Thank you so much.. I was working on it with paxarchy.. I really have to make him write something for me. He is very good just wont show it.

[Storiesmaniac]

Damn girl, im loving your poems. And this one is no exception, you really are a deep deep person.

[DarkPower]

Thank you very much storiesmaniac.

[Ryankia]

I really like it, though not one I would normally care for but I like it none-the-less. Well written DP, another well done.

[Verbatim]

Hey! Cool poem DP!

[DarkPower]

Thank you Ryankia. I want to expand it to tell more of the story here. I just havnt been in the right mood to do that yet.

[DarkPower]

Originally Posted by Verbatim

Hey! Cool poem DP!

Thank You Verb. I must have been posting a reply at the same time you were. Thanks a lot.

I love this DP. Something very stirring about the build up to a battle, and the way you've expressed it is quite something else.

For nights before he lay in wait,
of a pretty maid to change his fate
Raven her hair, as silk it did seem.
Dark eyes of the deep, with opal's bright gleam.

That stanza is perfect.

You build up some tension as well and its so effective, powerful almost.

excellent,
dunc

[DarkPower]

thank you for such words of praise... though I dont want it to be finished yet. Trying to figure out what to do next.

With the new addition it's even better. As though the 'phantom queen' is speaking to the soldiers through their thoughts or dreams. It fits perfectly. Excellent, love it love love it!!!

dunc

[DarkPower]

Thank you thank you, and thank you for your help. Who knew such a poem could fit so perfectly into another one.

I'm glad you found my help useful. If you decide there's more work to be done on it then you better let me know! lol

[DarkPower]

haha oh yes I will and maybe we can make it better, again thank you.