[Maud]

Be warned this poem takes place in the Death-Smell universe. You do not need to read the story to understand the poem and vice-versa. But if you do like it I strongly suggest you read the story.


In the traitorous north,
Came his birth,
The Lord Kard,
A murderous bard,
When he gained power,
He spread death's flower,
And so it did bloom,
With its petals of gloom.

Not even in the afterlife,
Are they safe from his sharp knife,
They still do his bidding,
Taking from the throne on which he is sitting.

Only one can stand in his way,
And this battle begins today.

His name is Vandel the hunter,
No one is blunter.

Who ever take this shall decide this planet's fate,
And be of the few who are truly great.

They stand face to face,
And fight with intolerable grace,
Sword to steel,
Until flesh begins to peel,
And when the dust clears,
The ending nears...

It is a good introduction to something more. I like a good myth or folk hero, and I can tell that you have a great ending in mind.
"Not even in the afterlife,
Are they safe from his sharp knife,
They still do his bidding,
Taking from the throne on which he is sitting"
--Who are "they", If this had been something I wrote, I would have maybe said, "we". Cause the reader to get a sense of the danger. Like danger is right on the readers doorstep. It gets them more involved. Less of an observer. More of a player. I hope that makes sense to you. Maybe you know exactly what it is you're trying to get across. To me it is kind of confusing through that section.

By the way, I'm ROQUELLEDAWN. You can read some of my stuff sometime. Peace

[Syrah]

OK. I haven't read the story, but that poem just got me 100% interested in it. Love the epic story feel. A great intro for a story. One thing....

He spread deaths flower,

Should be

He spread death's flower,

possesion apostrophe. Alrighty then. That's all.