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Old 31-10-2005, 05:07 AM
Eadha Deora's Avatar
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Paeane of a Siren

Sea is cold, and waves are lonely.
My heart, it aches for you only.
Come! Yes, we can be together.
Come, I call you. Come forever.

Why did you forsake me in need?
To my commands you shall now heed.
Come! All bonds you must now sever.
Come, I call you. Come forever.

Foolish man! to ignore my pleas.
For my pain, you'll dwell underseas.
Come! These waters you'll leave never.
Come, I call you. Come forever.

You shall fill my hours with your love,
E'en if I stole you from above.
Come! Sink into the sea-heather.
Come, I call you. Come forever.

The heather makes secret our home.
You're mine! Come with me 'neath the foam.
Come! Yes, we shall be together.
Come, I call you. Come forever.

Last edited by Eadha Deora; 10-04-2008 at 01:04 AM.
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Old 31-10-2005, 07:14 AM
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Re: Paeane of a Siren

What a wonderfully beautiful poem. You are so very good at writing poetry. You will soon one day be published, and I will say, "I used to know her before she ever was well known, and even then she was so very good at writing poetry." Your writing has such gorgeous gorgeousness that I'm struggling to swallow.
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Old 31-10-2005, 09:07 PM
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Re: Paeane of a Siren

I second that. Great poetry.
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Old 01-11-2005, 08:40 AM
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Re: Paeane of a Siren

It was beautiful! It truly was. You are so good at using symolies, or whatever they are called... lol
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Old 08-11-2005, 05:48 PM
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Re: Paeane of a Siren

Very nice! I thoroughly enjoyed it.
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Old 24-07-2007, 09:14 AM
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Thumbs up Re: Paeane of a Siren

The most exciting and enthralling setting.
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Old 08-04-2008, 07:43 AM
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Re: Paeane of a Siren

Excellent Kyrielle, Eadha! You took the usual refrain a step forward by beginning the third line of each stanza with the same word. You managed to that beautifully. It wasn't looking repetitive, in fact, it enhanced the message you're trying to get across.

Quote:
E'en if I stole you from above.
Quote:
You're mine! Come with me neath the foam.
Although I guess you did this because of the syllable count, the two shortened words look very good. My only suggestion is to add an apostrophe before 'neath'.

Overall I felt this was very well done.
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Old 10-04-2008, 01:03 AM
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Re: Paeane of a Siren

I didn't even know it was a kyrielle, lol. That was just how I wrote it! LOL
Thank you so much for your encouragement ... ... and I've taken your advice about the 'neath.
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