[Corneac]

Thanks to Syrah and Archangel for all your help, very much appreciated...

A returning soldier walks the road,
Armed with his musket, sword and fife,
His eyes proud gleam boasts his life,

An ivory mane crowns his head held high,
With silver buttons and a crisp waistcoat,
Entrances women, who giggle and dote,

They see his silhouette on the setting sun,
Regard his stature and arrogant visage,
As if his potent bearing is a mirage,

Eyes fixed ahead on the dusty path,
For they do not see the scars of battle,
Underneath his decorated, valiant apparel,

Memory harkens beneath his fai§ade,
A fresh faced youth headed his platoon,
Thousands of marching figures upon high noon,

Returning to the pathway a weary warrior,
His heart slowly scorched to stone,
Hardened by the abhorrence it did hone,

As he strides along the dusty road,
Recollection haunts his route,
Vividly, replaying is the horror astute,

A faceless enemy lurks from afar,
Hail of bullets falling from the pits of hell,
Comrades falling, like angels they dwell,

Blood slowly soaked into the swampish loam,
Reminiscent crimson blotches all but remain,
As he tries to rid his conscious of wounding blame,

The screams echoed in the humid vegetation,
The smell of fear and blood hung in the air,
As another was hit, another lost prayer,

Gallantly they were told the battle was won,
But the images death, raging in is head,
Tell of a different story, an ulterior end,

A returning soldier walks the road,
His dauntless figure swanks his deeds,
While deep inside, his soul bleeds,

I like how you moved away from a more typical rhyming scheme. It was just this one:

But the images of death rampant in is head,
Tell of a different story, an ulterior end,

That halted the flow a little.

Other that I really enjoyed this one. The language is so rich and clearly set out you're making me jealous, I've been wanting to write a narrative poem for ah while but they never seem to work out right. This, though. clearly has done. Nice one man. And for good measuer...superb!

[Corneac]

Thanks Duncan...that means a lot me...thankyou.
I changed that line...is it better like that?

Your feedback is always so very appreciated...narrative poems, yeah this is one of my first attempts at one...good to see that it was a sucess!

[Masa]

Ah... I too am working on a poem referring to war, once the editors return I'll post it. Though I've been told to not comment your works, (Comment Junkie...) I do so anyway because half of my friends are junkie's so what makes you any different!?

I enjoy how you go from the start, proud soldier, giddy girls, nice clean uniform and whatnot, then to the end, heart falters, his mind in turmoil, unsure of the condition, elegantly written with the full knowledge of what war can truly do! I thank you sir!

[Corneac]

Ah thankyou Masa. I look forward to seeing your poem. Keep commenting, me a comment junkie? Ha...pfft....lol.

Glad you enjoyed it

[Syrah]

Hey. I love this. Love your use of words. Especially abhorrence. The flow was easy for me and the sounds of the words compliment each other. Nothing jarring or unwelcomed.

[Corneac]

Haha...thanks yeah my mate actually pointed that out, I had horror twice in there, gave me abohorrence. Glad it flowed, Sy, your comments are always appreciated...

[RENA HANDS]

The word Hell should be capitalized? I think the comma in the last sentence in the last paragraph is not warranted? What war is this a poem referring to? The words gave many clear images and provoked many sympathetic emotions.

[Corneac]

Hmm...no war in paticular...thanks mate...