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Old 12-12-2007, 09:07 AM
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Cherry Blossom

Wilted, she droops
upon a barren branch
alone, the last of her kind
as she threatens to fall,
and the whisper of the wind
teases her petals…

How easy it would be
to just let go,
fly free upon the waves
of the passing time,
leave the loneliness behind
and succumb,

But alas the blossom stands
in all her wilted glory,
in the seconds before
a final defeat-
One last glance
at the only home she has ever known,

A tear descends the petal
reflecting a new bud,
A partner in a life of solitude
the flower lets go
Falling unto the soil smiling,
knowing life goes on,
And again one day
she will perch upon the branch
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Old 12-12-2007, 09:15 AM
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Re: Cherry Blossom

Quote:
of the passing time,
I know it is cliché, but perhaps "tides" instead of 'time'?

Beautiful Bri, yet another masterpiece to add to your collection
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Old 12-12-2007, 09:19 AM
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Re: Cherry Blossom

I see what you are saying though tide would lose my intended meaning as it was aging and I don't want to confuse with talk of the sea... haha OK maybe I am just being stubborn, I'll sleep on it.

Thanks Ryan You always bring a smile to my face
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Old 12-12-2007, 09:22 AM
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Re: Cherry Blossom

Ah. I see what you mean. No need to change it then
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Old 12-12-2007, 09:59 AM
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Re: Cherry Blossom

If only I had a hold on my poetry right now, I'd appreciate more, but I still maintain the love and adoration for your poetry, such elegant phrases that really make me ponder and wish that I could go home and see the blossoms I haven't touched in ages... love it, madam, truly love it.
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Old 12-12-2007, 11:15 AM
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Re: Cherry Blossom

Thank you, Young Masa. Always a pleasure to see a review from you
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Old 12-12-2007, 12:31 PM
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Re: Cherry Blossom

Beautiful imagery, and I love that touch of hopefulness at the end. It really makes me want to see an actual cherry tree! Great work once again.
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Old 13-12-2007, 01:25 AM
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Re: Cherry Blossom

Thank you very much, and yes, the trees are breathtaking.
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Old 13-12-2007, 01:15 PM
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Re: Cherry Blossom

I used this both ways....a view of one of nature's finest to a lone woman also. very intoxicating and well written!
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Old 14-12-2007, 09:01 PM
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Re: Cherry Blossom

I wish it was spring now. Could appreciate the blossoms, I have these lovely cherry-esque tree lining my driveway, and in spring, they bloom, pink and white and ah...beautiful. Warm spring so they didn't bloom for long. Damn summer. But this was beautiful. I liked, you other one better "Fingerprint int he Sky', but this is still as Ry said...a "masterpiece to add to your collection.” I sort of imagines this piece...although nature...really reflecting you...in a lot of ways...great parallels between nature and human nature...

Quote:
Wilted, she droops
upon a barren branch
alone, the last of her kind
as she threatens to fall,
and the whisper of the wind
teases her petals…
Great image there. The whole idea of wind..."teasing" petals form a branch, the last bloom of spring! winter there...miss it? Not long.

Quote:
How easy it would be
to just let go,
fly free upon the waves
of the passing time,
leave the loneliness behind
and succumb,
I think this one is weaker than the others, personally. I think Ry suggested the tides thing because of the "waves" line, waves of what? Also by ending the line with "succumb" it weaken the overall stanza, as you don't clearly set up what it is succumbing too. With the whole mention of "waves". Although in the context of the poem, it carries on the imagery and metaphor well. Not the strongest stanza, but necessary.

Quote:
But alas the blossom stands
in all her wilted glory,
in the seconds before
a final defeat-
One last glance
at the only home she has ever known,
I sometimes find myself unconsciously putting commas in your liens. For example after, "alas" I dunno, maybe I just like commas, or breathing. Also the hyphen! I love it. I think it's funny how some of our pieces have adopted different characteristics of each others poetry. Influence I tell you!

Quote:
A tear descends the petal
reflecting a new bud,
A partner in a life of solitude
the flower lets go
Falling unto the soil smiling,
knowing life goes on,
And again one day
she will perch upon the branch
Very circular! I like it. So this partner in the life of solitude aye? hahaha. Great poem Bri.
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Old 15-12-2007, 02:38 AM
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Re: Cherry Blossom

Thank you both! Chris, yes it is funny how we have rubbed off a bit on one another. The second stanza... may be weak but there was a definite personal meaning behind that one. I am not sure I am going to mess with it but maybe for the readers sake lol. Anyway, thank you both
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