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Old 09-05-2008, 03:29 PM
Corneac's Avatar
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Autumn killed the Oak

Autumn killed the oak tree
much like video killed the radio star,
armed with bayonets of premature ice wind,
they struck the Oak,

and you could see the Oak tree
swaying, dodging the sword of cold,
as winter, autumn’s mighty ally,
sent rain, cold, and just as bold,

and the water armies spent
sent the once proud defiant man,
shivering, withering, quivering,
a mere shrub, under, the strike
of a seasoned hand,

like a chill that invades your bones
and cuts mercilessly, through clothes,
Autumn, reigned supreme,
‘til the Oak, still dignified,
fell, pleading to his knees,

like sap, blood flowed,
to the wounds, left by cold,
and today, as you peer through frosted glass,
and see the skeleton of the Oak – you pass,
his still bleeding wounds,
that fall, like doom,
Orange and red,
a defiant shade of dead,
they crunch underfoot, crumbling history,
But the bones still remain, limbs pleading to the sky,
an autumn victory, that shall never really die,
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Last edited by Corneac; 13-05-2008 at 10:00 PM.
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Old 11-05-2008, 10:25 PM
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Re: Autumn killed the Oak

You never cease to amaze me with your poetry. Autumn is your current muse and you're doing her complete justice. This is beautiful. Your description and word selection was perfect.

For example this in this line:

Quote:
bayonets of premature ice wind
totally cliched description and thought. "The cold wind cut into my skin like shards of ice." But through your perfect word selection you've made it yours. Absolutely brilliant.

The poem, like everything else you write flows brilliantly. Your references to the Oak tree, 'bleeding wounds', references to colour... all amazing. You can write about almost anything. Hats off to you. Excellent work.

Quote:
shivering, withering, quivering,
How about a comma here?
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Old 13-05-2008, 10:01 PM
Corneac's Avatar
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Re: Autumn killed the Oak

Thanks...expect more as winter approaches, I hate the cold. I liked this one...thanks for all the comments Nup! I added a comma...weee. Cheers buddyboy.
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Old 15-05-2008, 03:35 AM
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Re: Autumn killed the Oak

Ah I love fall. This is dramatic, but in such a way you capture the very essence of the way winter comes in and takes the life from the land, and the way it comes in and takes the life from our emotions and heart. The image of the leafless oak is a great one, tangled bare branches and winter's frost over the sap stained bark... awesome really.
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