[Corneac]

Thanks to Syrah and Wordsmyth for your help with the title...

The ship is devoured within the seas,
The hateful vengeance of the hurling waves,
Curling ferocity of the midnight breeze,

Battered from one break to the next,
Tossed upon the foaming gesture,
Awnings groan as they're cracked and flexed,

Grand mast stands tall within its wrath,
While the vessel is engulfed far beneath,
No respite from the fear does it hath,

Like baby waves upon the pristine sand,
It crashes relentlessly upon the deck,
The cowardly strikes of a fathers hand,

The wind assaults with blinding might,
Ripping sails and the riggings twine,
The confusing banter of black and white,

The spit and coils of the writhing ocean,
The man-made structure tries to endure,
It's potent, fearful, ceaseless motion,

An awesome wave then rises from below,
A compelling creation of master artistry,
It's a lurking animal destined to grow,

It's awing rise extends above the mast,
A solid sheet of black fearful maritime,
Threatening the future with the past,

As dawn breaks upon the calmed water,
The sky awash with pinkish radiance,
No sign of the pre-sunrise slaughter,

As the wind dances through the morning,
Remnants of the valiant craft wash ashore,
Simply driftwood, a silent warning,

[Wordsmyth]

Wondeful job Corn, It felt as if I was standing on the deck of that ship fighting against nature to survive. Good work!!!

[Corneac]

Thanks Word! That means a lot...thankyou for reading and commenting.

[iyengar]

as usual, its good. the rythm is great and the descritpions fit! only one suggestion though... the rhyming in the second and third stanzas is different from the rest, which are all the same. If you could just modify the same, it'll read much better.

[Corneac]

Thanks iyengar...I think I might change it. Good suggestion, I didn't even notice they didn't rhyme, I guess I needed an outside perspective. I really appreciate your comments mate...thanks.

[Corneac]

Orright...changed the first stanza. But I think the third stanza rhymes...wrath and hath? Maybe it's juts pronunciation differences? What do you all think?

[ManthaStoirmeil]

Evocative.

Verse 4 -- "blows" instead of "strikes"? It pays its way, calling up wind as well. Of course you lose the hard "k" pair of "strikes-decks" that way ... nothing is for free.

[Corneac]

Thanks Mate...yes I changed it then rethought it. I like strikes there..it gives the line more edge. Thaks though, glad you liked it.

P.S.
500th Post! Oh yeah...

[DarkPower]

the rhyme ws great but only after I read it outloud. I loved the vivid image your words painted. Another good one.

[Corneac]

ha ha thanks DP...lol

[Masa]

I do believe I'm sea-sick. Incredible! I said before that you're a master at description and at bringing out what is comparable to a small movie in my head, I felt the wind, tasted the seas, heard the splinter of wood on the deck, the screams of the men, then the bitter silence... oh... it does make me weep... poems of nature are my favorite, because in my view, inspiration comes daily. Perhaps that's just some of my Japanese blood stirring? I think I'm going to write a Hokku-

The storm it rages
Ship smote by Kami's fury
Now it sails no more

There, now am I not the only person around here that throws in a poem in a review of a poem? Ah, I'm a genius!

[Corneac]

Yes a few other people...Phonoho does it because he likes to be little "left-field"

I like Nature peoms too, inspiration is all around you, you can never run out of things to write about...

Don't be sick on your keyboard...! Coz then you can't give me feedback anymore...lol

[Masa]

Ah so Phonoho does it as well! That's OK then, I've already gave him my respects for matching me in strangeness! But don't you worry, I'd never do anything to get this computer broken... (Pets laptop gingerly)

[Shortstorylover]

That was incredible, i felt as though i was actually there on the dock.

[Corneac]

Thanks a bunch SSL...cheers

[Eadha Deora]

:O I should read other ppl's poetry on here more often as this was fantastic, Corneac! I really really approve. The language and flow matched... title fit ... descriptions are the real meat of this poem though. I'm a big fan of strong descriptions though, so cheers! :pint:

And to finish it all off, the last line was so ... contrasting and devastating. Exactly what was needed to show the "sea's rage" .. truly

Nothing glared out at me as needing work. Excellent!!!

[Eadha Deora]

Masa, do you mean "haiku"?

[Corneac]

Oh my thankyou Eadha...that emanbs a lot. I am personally a huge fan of your poetry, so that comment has elevated me to cloud nine for the rest of the afternoon...thankyou...