[Phonoho]

So,
you tell me -
is this the place to be?
A space to be taken seriously?

No,
don't sell me
your gift of faceless glee
while hastily faking your prosody

Oh,
I well see
the gist of waste in thee,
the taste of it making a mockery

Go,
compel me -
resist my chaste and see
how grace has forsaken our company

[Lubesh]

An immaculate and very fine run in. I could almost see coming gauntlet being thown down.

[Phonoho]

Gauntlet? Would I do that?

[Venomous Vixen]

Very nicely done! I love the structure of this one... It worked perfectly!

Oh,
I well see
the gist of waste in thee,
the taste of it making a mockery

This one had to have been my favorite... it actually almost made a foul taste in my mouth.

Very impactful in a very small space!

[SeaN]

phono... brilliant man. I like this one a great deal; simplicity that approaches perfection.

Very nice work. Good to see you still have it in ya. (jk)

[Phonoho]

Thank you, fellow poets. This was indeed a challenge to myself and, as Lubesh pointed out, to others. I tried to be direct without being blatant. At that, I think I failed. Good.
One might think that such condensed rhyming in so confined a space wound be maddening to produce, but it actually came quite easily. Perhaps it was the conviction behind my words that gave it its concentrated form. Yes, it could use a mixer, and The Gauntlet would be ideal for that.

[Avathar]

hmmmmm, interesting. cryptic, but in a good way.

[Rolling Pichu]

Liked the last stanza, it's a very flowing poem even though it's rather brief. The rhyme scheme works too. Good job!

[Phonoho]

Thanks guys. I have been working with confined forms lately but hopefully not to the detriment of my other methods.

[Gurdit]

I really liked the structure. I think it goes perfectly with your tone/message. A short word, followed by a short sentence, followed by a sort of explanation for your curtness. As you said, it's like anger with a dignified countenance. It's anger or irritation, yet it doesn't take petty forms like violence or shouting.

You choice of words, as usual, was immaculate. I've interpreted this in two ways (one with your help), and in both interpretations, I wouldn't change a single word. It's poems like these that really make me enjoy reading poems more than writing them (and that's a rarety).

[Phonoho]

Yes, tiddy, one of my confrontational pieces. A schoolmaster perhaps or something more parental? A fatherly scold to quit toying and get busy with work. We all need that once in a while.

[Gurdit]

Yes, a reminder, a gentle nudge in the right direction. A fatherly scold would be the right way to describe it, yes.

[loosygoosy007]

Uh oh, I think you've gone medieval on us. ^_^ This was nice, short and sweet, but packed with meaning. Very interesting and unique. I liked it.

[Phonoho]

Thank you, loosy. The more I read this, the more epithetic it seems, like a spit in the face. I'm almost ashamed to have written it. Is it too harsh?

[Corneac]

Definitions of prosody:


noun: the study of poetic meter and the art of versification
noun: the patterns of stress and intonation in a language
noun: (prosody) a system of versification

Had to look that one up, good old Rhymezone. Very interesting word, and made me do a double take, and re-read your poem a few more times. I think, it fits your "distilled" form, in a way, with weighted rhymes and limited space. In fact, I find a lot nuances in your work, that go much deeper than face value. Is rather marvellous.

is this the place to be?
A space to be taken seriously?

Now this is what I'm talking about. Of course what is great about your work is that it has enough ambiguity to allow various interpretation, but enough precision to sort slap you in the face in a way when you look deeper. Now, taking into account the themes of some of your recent poems, I interpreted along the same lines...in a fatherly scolding way. Haha. Very interesting.

You're words also ways have an ease about them, as if they just come to you, but i think because of the depth of meaning, you spent much more time on them that first meets the eye. A breezy read, and what a rhyming scheme, condensed, carried over all stanza. Immaculate - as said by others. Also, I'm quite sure, perfect syllable count...marvellous Junior. Some people underestimate the power of it from, and you just proved that here.

Definitions of lexicon:


noun: a language user's knowledge of words
noun: a reference book containing an alphabetical list of words with information about them

ignore this, for my own benefit more than anyone else. I'm going to assume this goes hand in hand with your "gauntlet throwing" intent. The title. And sue the irony, of suing such words as "prosody", and there meaning. If not, a contradiction of your intent perhaps? But then again, the nuances of your work. I can't make a judgement. No, no, I don't think too harsh. I wonder if these things are subconscious or conscious when it comes to your poetry, would love to see how you write, the process. As they said perfect, but I don't think any piece of poetry can achieve perfection. This one, perhaps in a rush to highlight irony, and adhere to form, subtly of course, may have lost it's way a bit. There is only so much dancing around a meaning before, that it become circular an just a hula dancer swaying her hips. But marvellous, and a fantastic read. Enjoyed it immensely.

[colinbaker62]

Yep! Nice form and content.



Colin

[Nupur]

I agree with everyone who posted here. This was brilliant. The form, your choice or words, the message... I loved it all.