[Maud]

Compromise

a wave cascades down a polluted sea
eroding a Virgin soil into an iota of dust.
piece by piece, bit by bit, into oblivion
goes the Integrity of the planet Earth.

in his palm, is a mound of Golden sand.
he laments at the weight of such a burden.
just a grain he compromises, turning his hand,
it goes slowly, until he espies rotted flesh.

an artist proclaims that he shall paint life,
his canvas is a wash of hues of gray
like his life, it is a fallacy of epistemology
because even gray, is but Black and White.

[Maud]

Any comments? Any at all, worst come to worst Ill take a good or horrible job.

[Ryankia]

Fascinating piece - I was a bit curious on a few of the word choices, but they are really minor in this case.

This really painted a picture to me - and I saw each action as it would appear to be happening. Well done

[Maud]

thank you, I appreciate the feed back.

[Venomous Vixen]

Your mid line capitalization struck me as odd, any particular reason for that minus Earth being a proper noun?

Other than that I loved the bit about the sand in a man's hand and the burden he feels, I am not sure the depth of the metaphor but it is easy to relate to on a multitude of levels.

The last line was by far my favorite, seriously what a brilliant concept. I love things that get me thinking and this entire piece did just that. I would love to hear what your thoughts were as you were writing this and as Ryan mentioned, where some of the word choices came from.

Beautiful piece of work though, something to be proud of!

[Maud]

the capitlization was intended as stress on those things which I have capitlized, and for the purpose of personification, since as you know proper nouns are capitlized, like names.

I had just finished, Rand's "The Virtue of Selfishness" and like all my recent poems I wanted to interpert and communicate some thoughts with an objevtivist leaning.

I appreciate the fact that I made you think was the best criticisim you could have given me, I find people do that so rarely.

[Nastizzy]

I don't really like poetry, but I liked this.
Maybe because it wasn't too preachy or too overly descriptive.
Nice job. I really like your imagery.

[Maud]

hah me and syrah were talking about that. The whole last stanza was changed, because it was too preachy, besides I think the last one better communicates my message even if it is a metaphor.

[giggles]

cool I like it! Makes me wish I was on the beach!

[Maud]

wow. Ok I guess the response to that is Surfs Up!

Just going through old poems looking for comments I missed, glad I found this. Very helpful, thanks giggles!

[Vail]

Well.. let's see here. Definitely an intelligent piece of writing, that's as good a place as any to start. I also half-enjoyed the piece... it's difficult for me to really put what I was feeling while I read it, but neither overt positive or negative thoughts came to mind.

Technically, the capitalization in the middle of the stanzas on the words you're stressing, it's still incorrect. I've done the same thing though, and I didn't change it after it was pointed out, but all of my works since then have been written correctly. The strength of the word will be flushed out by it's complimenting line, really, even if those weren't capitalized (excepting integrity) the words would objectify themselves with strength.

My other criticism is that your last stanza is wholly unrelated to the first two. Your first two are tied together by the beach and the sand on the physical level, but your last stanza has no real physical connection. Unless of course your protagonist in the first two stanzas is the artist you speak of in the third. I understand that this work is piled with metaphors, but the pattern established in the first two, should continue into the third. Maybe that was something lost when you were editing out your preachiness.

Your last line is something I identify with strongly as well.. my own reasons will remain just that, but I figured I'd let you know.

All-in-all a decent job, I think it has incredible potential and just needs a little comb run through it's hair. Thanks for sharing.