[Hirak]

I found you in one corner,
Your mismal life drawing to an end,
You shivered from the chilly winds,
Blanketless, nothing from the cold to defend.

You hold my deepest secrets,
Promised never to give them away,
When I spoke in a jargon,
Only you knew what I had to say.

You watched on often when I prayed,
In silence I knew that you prayed with me,
Sometimes you were green, blue and sometimes red,
Sometimes the colour that I wanted you to be.

And when I saw you there,
Helpless in the winter's arms,
I knew I had to leave you and go away,
With this skeptical life I had to come to terms.

But I came everyday after that,
Parked myself in the bench which life simulated,
And looked on in silence while I ruminated,
The abstruse hypocrisy that my mind often emulated.

Yet I dared not move,
And help you to regain your composure,
For I wasn't a soul without you,
Bound by my peripheral enclosure.

And so my mind,
I am sorry for leaving you to die,
But you are a leper when it comes to emotions,
Longer in these false beliefs I cannot lie.

You have always tried to invoke,
The objective correlative of poetry in me,
But what I write today is blind truth,
Because with you, will perish my ability to see.

- Hirak.

[Nupur]

Good work!

I felt your rhythm was off in a couple of places:

You watched on often when I prayed,
In silence I knew that you prayed with me,
Sometimes you were green, blue and sometimes red,
Sometimes the colour that I wanted you to be.

I felt this was sort of... unpoetic. The uneven length of the lines got to me and the flow was slightly disrupted.

The rhyme too was forced in a couple of places.

But overall, I liked it. The thought behind the piece is amazing. A few lines were really good:

Yet I dared not move,
And help you to regain your composure,
For I wasn't a soul without you,
Bound by my peripheral enclosure.

Absolutely beautiful stanza.

Good work on this one.

[Hirak]

Thank you.

I definitely agree that there is forced rhyme in this one, and it is no doubt not one of my best poems.

Although the weird thing is that those lines you mentioned as unpoetic were probably the four lines i'd spare if i had to pick prosaic parts of the poem. Anyway everyone has their own views Well, thanks again.

However, though not exact by any means, I did try to make each corresponding lines of similar lengths.

Hirak.