[solidsnakebite]

From the creatures of the night
ghostly voices are born
in the shell of man and his might
the shallow mask is worn
Through the anatomy of time
The poet sings his silent rhyme
In the center of the earth
Insanity has given birth
By the footsteps of the dead
sings a haunting, lonely roar
blood sick, warm and red
crimson waves upon the shore
On darkening ocean tides
Times child gallantly rides
Through the passion of our wars
Strait into God's creaking doors
From angel's ashes an image will rise
the manifestation of our grizzly disguise

[Syrah]

I really like this; however, I think breaking this up into stanzas would help the flow and readibility. Punctuation would, also, help visually. For example....

From the creatures of the night,
ghostly voices are born
in the shell of man and his might
the shallow mask is worn.

Through the anatomy of time,
The poet sings his silent rhyme.
In the center of the earth,
Insanity has given birth.

By the footsteps of the dead
sings a haunting, lonely roar
blood sick, warm and red
crimson waves upon the shore.

On darkening ocean tides,
Times child gallantly rides,
Through the passion of our wars
Strait into God's creaking doors.

From angel's ashes an image will rise,
the manifestation of our grizzly disguise.

That's my 2 cents.

I think Syrah has a point about splitting the stanzas up, because your rhyming pattern switches between ABAB and AABB, and separating them would point this out, and make it better to read.

As it is I enjoyed it, thought it was well written, some interesting lines in there.

From angel's ashes an image will rise,
the manifestation of our grizzly disguise.

Those lines end the poem effectively. It's a very dark poem (maybe it should be in 'dark' and not 'philosophical' - seems that way to me).

Good job on your first poem solidsnake. Looks like we're gonna have some good stuff from you, poem and story wise.

[solidsnakebite]

Yeah... I didn't think of that. I guess you could say I'm not an experienced writer. I will take these points into consideration with my next piece.

[Lubesh]

Wow, with 'experience'there should be no stopping you. Pretty unique stuff and impresive.

[loosygoosy007]

One minor spelling error: I believe "strait" should be "straight" in the second to last line. I do agree that breaking the stanzas would help, just for reading purposes, of course. Looking forward to seeing more of your poems.

[Storiesmaniac]

im going to be really different here and say...i think you should spilt the poem up into stanzas. But other then that, i agree with Lubesh...Wow! good work, looking forward to seeing more work from you.