[Phonoho]

I strain to make verse, yet fail;
what notion to convey, but no avail.
Some truth in rhyme imparted stays not fixed,
fumbled as a card concealing naught but magic tricks.

Others yet reveal themselves, and solely in such ways
are woven as some afterthought on a poets shameful page.
Think not that by imparting sense in verse he has thee fooled,
as lessons learned where none were taught can leave one better schooled.

[Corneac]

Others yet reveal themselves, and solely in such ways
are woven as some afterthought on a poets shameful page.

You do indeed have this gift Phonoho...

Another fantastic poem by you...as always you display a knack for enrapturing rhyme and compelling use of language. Really good stuff...lol

[Phonoho]

And you, Corneac, have a gift for reviewing. Your comments are highly prized all over this forum. You always go straight for the gold in a writers work, and yours is the voice he hopes to hear whenever his piece is posted. A meritorious writer by your own, six fingered hand, you are valuable member of this community. No, my friend, you are the gifted one.

[Bluejay]

With the ever-increasing line length, I felt like it was building toward something.It definitely felt like the ball gradually got rolling as the poem went along. I love your word choice and the way you craft them all together.

[Corneac]

Originally Posted by Phonoho

And you, Corneac, have a gift for reviewing. Your comments are highly prized all over this forum. You always go straight for the gold in a writers work, and yours is the voice he hopes to hear whenever his piece is posted. A meritorious writer by your own, six fingered hand, you are valuable member of this community. No, my friend, you are the gifted one.

Wow Phonoho...I feel like I am the one who's having their work commented on! No But seriously, that menas a lot. I feel rather humbled by your comment and your work for that matter. Another great poem mate...I love your work.

[Phonoho]

Originally Posted by jnabonne

With the ever-increasing line length, I felt like it was building toward something.It definitely felt like the ball gradually got rolling as the poem went along. I love your word choice and the way you craft them all together.

Honestly, jnabonne, the length of lines was incidental. I noticed, but made no attempt to control it as, at the time, I was just happy to finally have something on paper.
Sometimes what we perceive as failure is not failure after all, if something can be learned or produced from it. Poetry and verse has always been used as a teaching tool. I believe failure produces all the energy required to fuel a success. I'm sure we have all, at least once, ended up with a pretty good story or poem built from the scraps of a false start, or left overs from another work. That's why I never throw anything away. Thank you for your comment.

[Rose]

I liked how you used ways with page in your rhyming scheme. It sets it to not sound so forced or so rigid of a scheme. Your intentions were well conveyed and the length of the lines building as the poem built worked really well.... in fact I believe it brought it to a whole new level in my opinion. Very nice work. I, also, liked your poem on the radio program. Poignant.

[Phonoho]

Thank you, Rose. It's very kind of you to comment. Perhaps I sometimes rely too heavily on rhyme, but I do try to make up for it by giving more weight and substance to the fore end of my phrases. I also try to rhyme with small, simple words instead of fat, juicy, dramatic ones, as they tend to overpower the "sense" of my chosen subject. Rhyme should be only a hinge on the door leading to the next line, not the doorknob.
The StoriesManiac radio show is going very well and I feel very honored to have had my poem read. Everyone involved has done an exceptional job with the production and it will certainly become a must listen for all members of this forum. Thank you for reading and for listening. (we will all get used to saying that soon)

[ManthaStoirmeil]

I think a card trick is a "sleight of hand".

Think not that by imparting sense in verse he has thee fooled,
as lessons learned where none were taught can leave one better schooled.

This is interesting, especially the observation reached by the last line -- it has the feel of the aphoristic couplets in some of the old poets like Alexander Pope:

"A little learning is a dangerous thing;
Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring:
There shallow draughts intoxicate the brain,
And drinking largely sobers us again."

I'm not sure I've caught the intention though -- it seems to be saying that dressing a thought up in verse will not save it, if it doesn't hold water in plain language. Sorry if I'm being dim.

[Phonoho]

I do like toying with alternate yet similar spellings. They leave a blend of flavors on the mind. Smoke and mirrors. My use of slight instead of sleight refers to the smallness of my ineffectual attempt to produce a satisfactory poem. I had failed, yet what had I learned from this? Sometimes, poetic alchemy will not adequately conjure up the spirit of your intended meaning. Yet there are times, I tell you, when they do, oh boy they do, and when no other way will do. This time it's no trick. A poem is a vitamin disguised as candy.

[Masa]

...wow. I've seen hundreds of poems throughout my short life and believed them incredible, yet now what I see here? A week I've been in a writer's website and lo and behold, a masterpiece in its own right... strangely by reading this I feel proud to be called a poet among my peers, knowing full well that this hidden meaning has eluded my grasp!

So I ask to you, how do you feel to interpret the message beneath the layer of rhymes? Of course unless my own small knowledge of my English language is so beneath others, that they see the answer, one as dim-witted as I... needs a little bit more of a push to fully realize the author's personal meaning between the lines.

Oh, and in case you don't understand, "I like it!"

[Subconscious]

loved the title, presentation, and content...
nicely written