[SeaN]

Her loom did weave
a lucid love-
a tapestry of faith.

- - -
His tombstone reads
of tragedies
as body does lay waste.

- - -
Her womb conceived
a bastard son.
With all her love, boy grew.

- - -
Consumed with grief
repressed within
boy couldn't fit the shoe

- - -
Perfume has left
it's precious prints
like lipstick on white collars

- - -
Presumably
now lost for good
were those dirty dollars

[gonzoadrenaline]

I really liked it, how long did it take you to get the meter right? I can't rhyme worth a damn. That seemed so effortless.

Gonzo Adrenaline

[Phonoho]

Originally Posted by gonzoadrenaline

I really liked it, how long did it take you to get the meter right? I can't rhyme worth a damn. That seemed so effortless.

Gonzo Adrenaline

Ha, Sean has meter tatooed on his brain. Boy got game.

[Lubesh]

Wow and then another.....so simple touching and neat(tidy)..and you got me at the end with the collars...really great stuff!

[SeaN]

thanks very much guys, I appreciate the comments. I duno- meter, to me, just seem like common sense almost; it falls into place. It's picking the best words that's the hard part, I think. Gonzo just keep practicing man! You'll get it.

[Eadha Deora]

"like lipstick on white collars" ... that was great! I like the first stanza too

[RENA HANDS]

An extremely imaginative submission. The emotions were well articulated.

His tombstone reads
of tragedies
as body does lay waste.

Her womb conceived
a bastard son.
With all her love, boy grew.

[Venomous Vixen]

This is just terribly sad! Oh and I really enjoyed it... hehe I did notice though you are one syllable over in the second to last stanza, last line collar is two hehe. Seriously though, I really like this!