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Re: False Advertisement
Yep, It's like don't read the label these days.....and all too familiar message always ignored out of desperation.....some good stuff in there.
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Re: False Advertisement
Nice poem Bri. Very well done, you manage to optimise the poetry with so little words, that's why I think your so adept at the 55's This was very well done, almost socio-political. Strong, truthful poetry. Fantastic.
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Loved it.
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I like boys with strong convictions and convicts with perfect diction, Underdogs with good intentions Amputees with stamp collections -So Nice, So Smart |
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Re: False Advertisement
Thanks you two... and for catching my typo corn
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"when one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion."
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Re: False Advertisement
Okay.. I can tell this was written awhile ago, and I know you brought this to my attention the other day, so I'm going to go ahead and give it a review, just for you! (I rhymed)
Speaking of rhyming, you would have to know that I'm going to say your rhyming was sporadic. At first I thought you had a hidden pattern of sorts with the way you were rhyming, which, as much as I hate rhyming, totally gave me an idea for a cool way to do a poem. But alas, there was no hidden pattern to the rhyming, it was just random, and mostly unnecessary. Aside from the random rhyming in your first couple of stanzas, your word choice was superb. I didn't like the last line in your first stanza, I think that could be changed around a bit and still have the same idea conveyed. I'm not saying it didn't fit, but it kind of has a finality to it. Like it's an end of the poem line, not a first stanza, last line kind of line... My favorite line by far was 'Scalpel's dream' awesome line, again, because it's slightly abstract, and because it forces you to think. It's very intelligent, as much of the piece is. Like lots of my works, this one needs a little TLC. I don't know if this poem has the potential to be great, I doubt it does, but you could definitely fix this up into good. Like if you were putting together a book of poems, this would definitely be somewhere in the middle of the book... Anyhow, still very well done. Thanks for sharing.
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"All people grow up just to die." - System of a Down "Living is the slowest form of suicide." - Me "God is dead." - Friedrich Nietzsche "You are special and unique, just like everyone else." - Unknown |
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Re: False Advertisement
Haha thanks for that hun, and I will try and get back to this one as well... this was an idea I loved and I would in turn love to perfect.
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"when one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion."
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Re: False Advertisement
How'd I miss this?
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...a sucker for beautiful, soulful eyes
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