MemberPanel

ourSponsors

Google
   


Notices


Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 03-09-2007, 05:39 AM
Rolling Pichu's Avatar
Regular Reader
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Mexico
Posts: 38
Total Points: 166.00
Rolling Pichu makes sure newbies feel at homeRolling Pichu makes sure newbies feel at homeRolling Pichu makes sure newbies feel at homeRolling Pichu makes sure newbies feel at homeRolling Pichu makes sure newbies feel at homeRolling Pichu makes sure newbies feel at home
Send a message via MSN to Rolling Pichu
A Different Tune, (part I)

This one's about social routines and spontaneity, as well as revolution. It's divided into three pieces.

A Different Tune, (I)

Sometimes life turns out to be rather boring,
Sometimes you're flyin', sometimes you're snoring;
And nothing appears to be looking amusing,
And nothing could fix all the minutes you're losing...

Do you look for freedom, or narrow your eye?
Across your own ground, or long and then die?
Or try to take over, obtain your own hay?
You'll never find wisdom on other sheeps' way.

If no one can see you, and you can't be heard,
When storms call up to you, do storm at your word;
Saving your time not to follow that scheme,
Turning around just to fade in a dream.

And whose shallow lyrics you want to believe?
Will years let you dither on yesterday's sleeve?
On willowing wind, the sand is sincere;
we learn from that breeze to be cursive and clear.

Bleating and balancing minutes and spaces
and led by the vision of hallowing places,
The meek shall inherit the reason, and dance;
As I again question your permanent stance.

You follow the shepherd, instead of the moon?
It's never too late for a different tune.

Last edited by Phonoho; 11-09-2007 at 02:07 PM.
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 03-09-2007, 08:26 AM
Phonoho's Avatar
In the Groove
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: White Oak Texas
Posts: 2,093
Total Points: 182,586.97
Phonoho is an Honorary memberPhonoho is an Honorary memberPhonoho is an Honorary memberPhonoho is an Honorary memberPhonoho is an Honorary memberPhonoho is an Honorary memberPhonoho is an Honorary memberPhonoho is an Honorary memberPhonoho is an Honorary memberPhonoho is an Honorary memberPhonoho is an Honorary member
Send a message via AIM to Phonoho Send a message via MSN to Phonoho Send a message via Yahoo to Phonoho
Re: A Different Tune, (part I)

This doesn't have the weightless feel of your initial submissions here. It could be your use of heavy end rhymes.
Quote:
Bleating and balancing minutes and spaces
and led by the vision of hallowing places,
The meek shall inherit the reason, and dance;
As I again question your permanent stance.
I like the rhythmic quality of this stanza. I enjoy how patterns of stressed and unstressed syllables can be altered just by playing musical chairs with your word positioning
Quote:

As again I question your permanent stance.
or
Quote:
As I question again your permanent. stance
__________________
“It was the secrets of heaven and earth that I desired to learn”
Victor Frankenstein

Last edited by Phonoho; 03-09-2007 at 11:00 AM.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
None



Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


All times are GMT +9. The time now is 09:41 AM. vBulletin Skin by ForumMonkeys. Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.7.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.1.0 ©2007, Crawlability, Inc.
Advertisement System V2.1 By   Branden
Copyright © 1999 - 2008, StoriesMania.Net


Love Systems | The Attraction Forums | Savoy