[Venomous Vixen]

Gunfire grazes along moss-green riverbanks
Piercing the surface of pristine waters below
Disappearing into disturbed, murky depths
Sinking silently in a fleeting moment, forever lost

Hollowed homes haunt bloodstained edges
Deserted in a second of desperation
Vacant as the veiled eyes that pierce
Slipping silently through the graveyard of sand

Off-key, out of tune, onward they oppress
Bludgeoning, beating, breaking what's left
Buried bodies lay bloated and forgotten
Memories silently missed like sounds of music

Bare feet balance along bloodstained banks
Cluttered with diseased, contagious carcasses
Disappearing into disturbed, murky depths
Sinking silently in a fleeting moment, forever lost

[Corneac]

Geez. Chunky - and ah, so descriptive. I don't have much to say on this, but wow, this is amazing Bri. Where are the comments people? C'mon. This is masterful and horrible nad makes me feel queasy. lol.

But yeah...'mazing

[Venomous Vixen]

Thank you Chris, that really means a lot.

[Lubesh]

I didnt get back to this. I lvoe it because as usual its jam packed and packed with punches and schemed and very well brought about! and i love ur keeness when u have something and u see it through and its always worth the read.

[Venomous Vixen]

Thanks Lu, and for the guidance with this one

[Vorcla]

Oh. Wonderful imagery, alliteration, incredibly descriptive language. Hmmm. What else can I say. Awesome, maybe. Super, Bri!

[Nupur]

Ooh alliteration! And lots of it! Definitely very descriptive. I was going through all your poems a while back and I found so many I really want to comment on. Your imagery is striking, always. And very evocative and effective. Anyway… blame my lack of time or whatever but I really didn’t get down to commenting on all those and I’m glad Rick brought this one up.

Again, you’ve shown how striking you can make your imagery. ‘Graveyard of sand’ is just wow. Superawesome image.

Piercing the surface of pristine waters below
Disappearing into disturbed, murky depths

Here I love the juxtaposition of words like ‘pristine’ with ‘disturbed’ and ‘murky’. Nice contradictions, very well carried out. And the repetition in the first and last stanza was very well done. Rounded it all off well and gave it a nice finality. Love it. The tone is wonderful, and so is the alliteration. Great work.

[Venomous Vixen]

Thank you both... this was my first real go at alliteration and Lu had to knock some sense into me on the first write... there was a bit too much of it

[colinbaker62]

A harrowing account this.



Colin