[Lubesh]

Author's note: This was inspired whilst reading Colin Baker's (treasured member) stuff over the years... this is for you Colin, a fellow brit, who will hopefully appreciate and therefore not make my time a total wasted one lol not sure about that but am tired and wanted to pay small tribute in a roundabout way - now I am brave(er). Anyway...


‘Idle hands are the devil’s work…’

Sweat pours from the headscarf of a young mother as she leans wearily
and oppressed, watching cobwebs play in one corner with once envied
pieces of fine cloth that lay furled and soiled, nestling against an upswept
broom, amidst the gloom and heavy brocade of dusted light that filters
onto neglect, the dimness of a bygone slumber of gargantuan,
monumental machinery sleeping soundly nearby.

Past roars of a forgotten era, pale into the gloom, croaking through the rust
and corroded parts, we cannot mend or will not. Disgruntled grinding can be heard
in the distance of a tradition of half starved families, cloistered at one
evening meal while some sleep, bellies empty, but meekly feeding upon
the sounds she makes as she clatters in the kitchen; they are swept up by the
winds that dare disturb the rest of abandonment.

Chaotic doom surrounds our chimneys as funnelled sunshine, heralding
a new age, yawns and shines on our blackened faces. Is this our messiah
in true light? Will we be fed tonight and for many years to come? Or will time
and errors make our plight an antiseptic bolthole, which will make us long for
the trundling of this cobwebbed machinery and ghosted voices that sing with us
in our tawdry clothes and grubby knees as they gaze onto and graze the cobbled
streets? I treasure the blood that seeps onto my handkerchief as the dying
sun wanders from my face and back to the corner of forgotten factories,
asleep again and long until they are awakened and brought back to life
in another dream.

[RENA HANDS]

The most remarkable entry I have read yet. The emotions, imagery superb.

[Ryankia]

‘Idle hands are the devil’s work…’

Sweat pours from the headscarf of a young mother as she leans wearily
and oppressed, watching cobwebs play in one corner with once envied
pieces of fine cloth that lays furled and soiled, nestling against an upswept
broom, amidst the gloom and heavy brocade of dusted light that filters
onto neglect, the dimness of a bygone slumber of gargantuan,
monumental machinery sleeping soundly nearby.

~shakes her head in amazement~ Your words create pictures so effortlessly.

Past roars of a forgotten era, pale into the gloom, croaking through the rust
and corroded parts, we cannot mend or will not. Disgruntled grinding can be heard
in the distance of a tradition of half starved families, cloistered at one
evening meal while the other half sleep, bellies empty, but meekly feeding upon
the sounds she makes as she clatters in the kitchen; they are swept up by the
winds that dare disturb the rest of abandonment.

The emotions so...heavy laden in this piece. Bare and protruding, reaching out the grab the reader and envelope them.

Chaotic doom surrounds our chimneys as funneled sunshine, heralding
a new age, yawns and shines on our blackened faces. Is this our messiah
in true light? Will we be fed tonight and for many years to come? Or will time
and errors make our plight an antiseptic bolt hole, which will make us long for
the trundling of cobwebbed machinery and ghosted voices that sing with us
in our tawdry clothes and grubby knees as they gaze onto and graze the cobbled
streets? I treasure the blood that seeps onto my handkerchief as the dying
sun wanders from my face and back to the corner of forgotten factories,
asleep again and long until they are awakened and brought back to life
in another dream.

Most definitely a well titled piece, as well as perfectly expressed. Only a couple of spelling errors.

Yet another well done, Ani.

[Lubesh]

Thanks very much Ry. My spelling are correct..i double checked. Funnelled is Uk and also correct lol

[Ryankia]

Damn you UK :p Why can't you be like us stupid Americans and spell everything wrong!?

[colinbaker62]

How could I have missed this? Such a well written piece, complete with noble subject matter. I am truly humbled on reading your comments, namely that my writing has generally inspired you to this extent. Most of the time, readers of my work (whether poems or essays) just swear at me!

My own experience of your various political poetry is such, that I am now of the firm opinion that our writings in this regard, have much in common. Take this very offering, speaking as it does (explicitly or implicitly) about the (industrial) poor, the disenfranchised, the needless waste of both technological capacity and human capacity alike. These are themes I can readily identify with....

Why don't we start a martyrs sub-forum in the political section of storiesmania, and you and I can be its founding members (probably its only members.........)




Colin

[Lubesh]

Ha glad u found it colin.....yes u r a baton as I see it and often it is ur work inspires me to write in that vein so ur too blamelol

[subash]

1) Very nice
2) I have a tendency to look into details a lot hence the questions/comments...

'Idle hands are the devil’s work…’

Sweat pours from the headscarf of a young mother as she leans wearily
and oppressed, watching cobwebs play in one corner with once envied
pieces of fine cloth that lays (lay) furled and soiled, nestling against an upswept
broom, amidst the gloom and heavy brocade of dusted light that filters
onto neglect, the dimness of a bygone slumber of gargantuan,
monumental machinery sleeping soundly nearby.

Past roars of a forgotten era, pale into the gloom, croaking through the rust
and corroded parts, we cannot mend or will not. Disgruntled grinding can be heard
in the distance of a tradition of half starved families, cloistered at one
evening meal while the other half sleep, (bit funny this one, first I instinctively understood your line to mean that these people are not quite well-fed but then a second reading leads me to wonder if you mean 50% of your families are sitting at a (meagre) meal while the rest sleep. If it's the latter, then half should still be "sleeps," right? Or maybe "while the others sleep?") bellies empty, but meekly feeding upon
the sounds she makes as she clatters in the kitchen; they are swept up by the
winds that dare disturb the rest of abandonment.

Chaotic doom surrounds our chimneys as funnelled sunshine, heralding
a new age, yawns and shines on our blackened faces. Is this our messiah
in true light? Will we be fed tonight and for many years to come? Or will time
and errors make our plight an antiseptic bolthole, (didn't get this bolthole business but that's OK) which will make us long for
the trundling of cobwebbed machinery (a bit odd this one too, the tone of your work suddenly and nicely picks up to raise hope for activity and change to industry from idleness and lethargy; but if your machinery were trundling, would it still be cobwebbed? I guess something like a TV or radio (mine always are) can be covered with dust but something that has any kind of moving part, is likely to be looked after by proper lubrication and de-cobwebbing) and ghosted voices that sing with us
in our tawdry clothes and grubby knees as they gaze onto and graze the cobbled
streets? I treasure the blood that seeps onto my handkerchief as the dying
sun wanders from my face and back to the corner of forgotten factories,
asleep again and long until they are awakened and brought back to life
in another dream.

[Lubesh]

Hi, thanks for highlighting some grey and confusing areas and for taking an interest.

[colinbaker62]

Originally Posted by Lubesh

Ha glad u found it colin.....yes u r a baton as I see it and often it is ur work inspires me to write in that vein so ur too blamelol

If we're going to be revolutionaries together, can I be the one who wears the Che Guevara t-shirt?




Colin

[Lubesh]

Originally Posted by colinbaker62

If we're going to be revolutionaries together, can I be the one who wears the Che Guevara t-shirt?




Colin

Problems already?..see thats how many, many a county stumble - it all comes a cropper..soddin t shirts

keep thinking colin the t shirt's mine.I can highlight his eyes better!

[Rakkasan]

You're right, this is so much more...

It also compels me to further examine Colin's work. I've read some, but maybe I need to take a more exhaustive look.

I realize that this may sound petty, or perhaps just superficial, but I absolutely adore the English language. Not American English, but rather British English. There is a way in which things are expressed that bring about a more colorful stream of images and clarity. I'm not talking about differences in spelling specific words, but the manner of speaking. I have for years desired to write a short story from a British character's point of view. I think that would be very difficult to pull off, but very rewarding.

Back on topic -

This poem not only evoked imagery, as any decent poem should, but conjured up a flood of emotions. That is something that does not occur often for me, even when I am passionate about the subject.

It perplexes me when I hear you heavily criticize your own abilities and writings, especially when I read probably 60% or more of your work, and of that, my not so humble opinion is that perhaps 30% is phenominal, 60% is very good, indeed, and the remaining 10% is sub-par (only in direct comparrison to the standard you show yourself capable of attaining).

Thanks for the point; thanks for the trust.

[Lubesh]

firstly, not so petty an ambition or thoguht. I think it takes that to help achieve what we want in some cases. Maybe for some its a missing element and easily sought. That way I am lucky though my regional and lack of dedicaiton re schooling can let me down some. But it is there nonetheless. Id be interested as to how a non english speaker lol would tackle such a project.


Colin when he joined as i felt lost here amid transatlantic and other, was an anchor and i know being a brit where he is coming from and I always admired. He didin't care if he would, like my own brothers be lambasted in some parts for his determination of poltiical voice, cheek and full frontals. He has a brain and uses it.


It is me who is humbled by your stats very much so, though today as i say for all my flippancy towards my writing, it means more and its growing. I don't criticise as such i just know with experience of others and their angst i am one of the lucky ones. But later I have come, as respect for the craft grows, to say, 'hang on, I did that,' not many can but i do have with most things i tackle (nd once forreal)a standard or bar to aspire to and depending on topics i either care or dont and alwasy like when a solid topic is appreciated tho its nice that people can choose (frommine)what they prefer...am happy for that.

[Rakkasan]

Originally Posted by Lubesh

Id be interested as to how a non english speaker lol would tackle such a project.

I haven't worked it all out yet, but when I take a stab, I'll probably ask for your 2p. lol

[Lubesh]

Thatwould be 10p and any time.