[Lubesh]

Show me a world
where lights are turned low and grey
and I will show you
hurt and dismay.
Offer me lighting, mellow and kind
I will show you all of mankind

Cyclonic ashes, sweep up
and what is swept away, are life’s random
particles of trouble
and decay. Sucked into a vacuum,
we enter a void incomplete,
till we are spat out and scattered
and lay lost at our own feet

Show me a kaleidoscope
pretty and unafraid,
buoyant, hybrid colours – scattered,
but in their own glorious way,
they churn and yearn to pleasure us
in our dismay, till we are sucked into
and embraced and not thrown away.
Enticing, devices?
Why isn’t our life always this way?

[EternalPen]

Originally Posted by Lubesh

Sucked into a vacuum,
we enter a void, incomplete,
till we are spat out and scattered
And lay lost at our own feet

I REALLY REALLY liked that line! It had a lot of imagery to me!

Originally Posted by Lubesh

Churning and yearning to pleasure
our dismay, till we are sucked into
and embraced and not thrown away.

I think this line is what made the whole poem for me! I want to, more than anything, THANK you for writing this! I enjoyed so much more than I think you will ever know! Could I ask for your permission to print and share this with a few people? (Under your name, of course!)

EDIT: I just realized why I connected with this poem so much. WONDERFUL job! Keep it up!

[Phonoho]

turnd

You missed one there.

till we are spat out and scattered
And lay lost at our own feet

This feels like a continuation of the same line though it's slightly endjambed with the conjunction; probably shouldn't be capitalized. You started off capitalizing every line in the first stanza but left off in the rest.
A bit random and lacks some focus but there are good lines here.

[Lubesh]

Thanks very much EP.....you can have this....use whichever name u like lol So gald you got what you got from it and hopefully more later!
Ia mened it slightly...take whichever ...ur C&P or the new.

Thanks Phonoho...Word does that to me i don't or didn't inend the caps but as per, get distracted a lot lol

[Verbalcody]

enticing, devices?
I love love this line

for me the feeling of looking into these 'devices' (a kaleidoscope) and wishing our humanity to be more like their beauty. This is amazing imagery. And Irony I guess, since most talk about how machines take humanity away from us that this most simple of devices shows it to us. thats what i took from it anyway. beautiful.

[Lubesh]

Originally Posted by Verbalcody

enticing, devices?
I love love this line

for me the feeling of looking into these 'devices' (a kaleidoscope) and wishing our humanity to be more like their beauty. This is amazing imagery. And Irony I guess, since most talk about how machines take humanity away from us that this most simple of devices shows it to us. thats what i took from it anyway. beautiful.

Yep, exactly....glad you enjoyed this and thanks v. much for reading also!

[RENA HANDS]

Sucked into a vacuum,
we enter a void incomplete,
till we are spat out and scattered
and lay lost at our feet

I really love this line.

I don’t know if “scatter” should be used twice. Why not display, exhibit, flaunt? Just something different.

[Lubesh]

Thanks rena...i dont mind the repetition.

[Venomous Vixen]

Bloody hell, again... your ideas here are just perfectly stated. The dull and mundane to the pretty kaleidoscope of color... it's an age old question, and perhaps the grass is always greener, but you show a fresh light on it here and I absolutely love it. Bugger.

[Lubesh]

Thanks bri.

[colinbaker62]

Rich poetry indeed, vibrant images, figurative discourse etc...I couldn't help wondering though; when you wrote...

"Sucked into a vacuum,
we enter a void incomplete"



did you have the Dyson DC07 in mind?





Colin

[Lubesh]

Originally Posted by colinbaker62

Rich poetry indeed, vibrant images, figurative discourse etc...I couldn't help wondering though; when you wrote...

"Sucked into a vacuum,
we enter a void incomplete"



did you have the Dyson DC07 in mind?





Colin

Can u ever be serious?....The answer is no....the Dyson - not a legend in its own lifetime..nealry did once have me...am small...repercussions were huge and vastly underrated.

Being paranoidand semi illiterate, did i get the principals wrong? vaccum/void crappy stuff involing schoollol
Thanks Colin lol

[Vorcla]

Very evocative; has an almost plaintive tone to it. "Why can't we make it better?" Again, your wordplay is nicely done.

[Lubesh]

Thanksagain vmuch.

[colinbaker62]

Originally Posted by Lubesh

Can u ever be serious?....The answer is no....the Dyson - not a legend in its own lifetime..nealry did once have me...am small...repercussions were huge and vastly underrated.

Being paranoidand semi illiterate, did i get the principals wrong? vaccum/void crappy stuff involing schoollol
Thanks Colin lol

You're very welcome!



Was it a Hoover Deluxe then?




Colin

[Lubesh]

Originally Posted by colinbaker62

You're very welcome!



Was it a Hoover Deluxe then?




Colin

ha ha sodoffcolin.