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Re: Dancing With The Sky
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Here r somepet peeves cos I know u can and have delivered. the repetiton of face got me and as i say let u down..canvass maybe...etc Quote:
Just somethoughts on a crappy poem. NOT!!! Nice motion with this and internal literal movment too compllimenting all that. Gradual and as u say cleansing, which is very vivid.
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Re: Dancing With The Sky
Haha
As for the advice, very on point, I have revised it! Seems to read much better now. Now if there were only some rain outside to go dance in!
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"when one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion."
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Re: Dancing With The Sky
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Because of the content and your talent, i also found your end as i noticed how short and stinted it was in length and words was weak in that regard, not the idea. I thought mmm is she in a hurry?
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Re: Dancing With The Sky
I will have to sleep on that one, maybe add in another stanza or two in the morning. I see what you are saying and yes, the ending is rather abrupt. Thanks again Lu! Haha and I appreciate the honesty! Nothing else pushes me to better things
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"when one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion."
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Re: Dancing With The Sky
Good good, lol g'night.
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Did you know...points are up for grabs....just for entering... 250 - LIMERICK, CFPC, 55, EMWE, 1000 - TotM, 1000 WC 100 - VOTING IN A CONTEST POLL, YES, JUST VOTING! ![]() Comp/Challenges FFFC CFPC 1000-Word Challenge Limerick ToTM EMWE GQC |
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Re: Dancing With The Sky
__________________
"when one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion."
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Re: Dancing With The Sky
Much better much more 'meat' and for a crappy poem...its Ace!.lol (visitors ignore the remark lol)
__________________
Did you know...points are up for grabs....just for entering... 250 - LIMERICK, CFPC, 55, EMWE, 1000 - TotM, 1000 WC 100 - VOTING IN A CONTEST POLL, YES, JUST VOTING! ![]() Comp/Challenges FFFC CFPC 1000-Word Challenge Limerick ToTM EMWE GQC |
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Re: Dancing With The Sky
WoW. I'm going to have to watch out for you...cant have you taking all my picks in the newsletter...lol
Great poem hun. Your imagery was wonderful, your meaning came across beautifully, and your grammar was superb.
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I won't rent you my time, I won't sell you my brain, I won't pray to a male god, that would be insane. And I can't support the troops, cuz every last one of them is being duped, and I will not rest a wink until the women have regrouped. |
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Re: Dancing With The Sky
__________________
"when one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion."
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Re: Dancing With The Sky
.... I don't know why more ppl aren't gushing about this poem .. but this is one of my favorites of yours, Bri. It is so raw, so full of life, energy, desperation, hope, folly and desire all rolled into one. It is like a glimpse into a deep soul, and the things I see there astound me, comfort me and fill me with thoughts .. all provoked by your words. It is well balanced ... starting out with a good grammar .. then the way you spin around in the middle, the words tumbling faster and faster, the grammar more fragmented--yet still all one piece--like rain falling down or like the dance you are talking about. Until at the end you go back to good grammar again, only the syntax is stronger, the words more full and weighty, yet as a whole uplifting.
This poem was like a journey. It was soulful .. and I give you a reputation for that poem. It is the talent I always have believed you possess coming out in brilliance. Way to go, dear! xxxxxx |
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Re: Dancing With The Sky
Wow Jenn, that means so much from you
thank you! Yes, it is a journey... a journey of freeing the soul from all of the things that bind it and break it. Actually I wrote this after one of our conversations
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"when one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion."
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Re: Dancing With The Sky
hehe I am tickled pink with joy! I feel like running around going "wee!!!" hahahahaha
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Re: Dancing With The Sky
When I read this iy conjured up memories of old.....That is when you know your writing is on point....it's when whoever reads it can put themselves in the picture and see it as a story of themselves......very nice
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Re: Dancing With The Sky
It is really good to hear that this one had some impact for you, as it was intended to. Thank you again
__________________
"when one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion."
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