[Syrah]

Rise again, fail me not-
In this dire moment
my need is great for revelation,
Indeed, a termination
of hidden thoughts,
brought to the surface
Unbeknownst, - nay-
Unheeded in selfish desire.

God within, almighty shine,
transform my pathetic mind,
Mend me, meld me –
Into greatness I have yet been
Sacred moments,
encased in frozen droplets of time
held in focused intent,
defy and be not them, sin not again

[Phonoho]

Sacred moments,
encased in frozen droplets of time
held in hippocampus,
defy and be not them, sin not again

My eyes were drawn to this word, for the part of the brain central to memory processing.
To those familiar with its shape may appear the image of a seahorse (its shape in cross-section), a question mark or even an ear. It's a biology term that doesn't quite mesh with your tone and lends unwanted images of a school for pachyderms. Perhaps some other phrasing or synonym for memory could smooth that line.
I like the direct and reproving title, especially its effect in the closing line of a piece. It seems to give a brief title a heavier impact.

[Hazel]

I liked the tone and plea that this poem conveyed. I do agree with Phonoho that the use of the word 'hippocampus' seemed a little awkward and detracted from the overall piece, at least to me. Other than that word, I thought the rest of the poem flowed well, and I loved the feel of the last line. Nice work.

[Storiesmaniac]

i really liked that, the first stanza was fantastic, although phono is right hippocampus, it's funny cos i play this word game and that was one of the words...any ways it just feels like it's there for the sake of being there rather then what it means, which i know isnt right but thats what it feels like.
Other than that though it was a great poem, smooth and spoke volumes..
Great piece sy!

[Syrah]

Thanks guys. I edited it, let me know if you think it works. I can't tell. (Perhaps I'm too tired to tell- oh well) Thanks bunches!

[Lubesh]

I enjoyed the prayer aspect going into the second and ur play with more archaicwording...allin all a treasure...as per!

[Syrah]

I don't know how I missed your comment Lu! Thank you very much. I am enjoying going through some of these older ones I missed thanking commenters on... like a good ol' blast from the past.

[RENA HANDS]

Wow! Fascinating yet extraordinary! (If I say more, then my babel will defeat the praise, Excellence of this submission.) I love the grey (gray) coloring too! I rate 5/5!

[Vorcla]

Hmmm. I had a "dire moment" tonight for which I could have used this prayer. That's what it reminds me of - a prayer, a beautiful prayer. The language is exquisite; so smooth and uncluttered. This is beautiful, Sweetie. Just a gorgeous poem, wonderfully executed. Good job, Sy.

[Syrah]

Thank you both