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Old 19-07-2008, 10:58 AM
RENA HANDS's Avatar
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Our Prayer

Contorted, splintered on bleeding knees,
‘God, do you hear me,’
Crawling tears river down,
Under shadows of thorned crown,
Pleading whispers beg for mercy,
Hushed resonance clings to hearsay,
‘Deliver me from damnation,’
But be dammed forever from salvation,
Drowned on the banks within his realms,
Choking on the dust of still feet and hems.

‘Our father,
Your proud brethren,
Our sister,
Pale in Heaven,
Our Mother,
Martyred mild,
Our communion,
Bittersweet wine.'

Fingers broken,
Heart stolen,
For these wretches, I do cry.
Palms wail,
Worship frail,
Father, take me from this place.
Iron claws draw,
Suffocation is raw,
Dusted settlements, renewed strength.

Rena Hands & Lubesh July 2008

Author’s Note: This is a collaboration with Lubesh.
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Right, I'll keep to the present but just take a glance at the past. Damn, is this poetry?



Last edited by RENA HANDS; 05-08-2008 at 10:02 AM.
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Old 20-07-2008, 05:28 AM
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Re: Our Prayer

Nice work, Rena and Lu. I'm a big fan of your poetry, and it was refreshing to see something different from you. I like the overall structure of this one, interspersed with the quotations. Nice rhymes and I love how you did away with forced rhyme by using assonance where you couldn't rhyme.

'Crawling tears river down' is my favourite line. Very well done. Can't compare this with the rest of your work because this is so different. Like it.
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Old 20-07-2008, 06:01 AM
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Re: Our Prayer

Thanks fr that..rena will aly the heavier hippy flowers on you at some point lol.....she'll be ecstatic.lol
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Old 20-07-2008, 07:04 AM
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Thumbs up Re: Our Prayer

Oh snap, snap those trippy fingers of creativity soul sister, they love us…lol

Nupur thanx. Lubesh really knows how to draw out the imagination with everyone she works with.
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