[Eadha Deora]

The Cauldron

Deep depths, deep breaths:
the moist cool of subterranean ocean,
the whirlpool of imperceivable motion.
Around and down: drowning in serenity.
Down and around: groundless in infinity.
The silence-sound, yet a noiseless whir,
throbbing, pulsing heartbeat blur.
Memories dead; Hopes fled. All Now:
Now sweet sleep, gift endowed,
Now deep dreams, jeweled shroud,
Now the sound stilled, woe killed,
soul and spirit to the brim filled
with peace and waiting,
contendedness unabating.
The otherworldly underground mound
where Life and Death meet and meld
into one elixir of moon- and sun-weld.
the blinding black lulls and rocks,
the stalling stir. Perfect Paradox.
Paradox Paradise, no Truth or Lies
only the slow progression of eyes
seeing unseen and hearing unheard,
bubbling hush of mumbled words.
The Womb, the Walls, the Well--
within Her the Universe swells
until Time sputters more out
with a sacred sacred spout.
But all that once formed and floated
safe within Her safe-store
shall return to the Sea of Beginning
back unto the sleep-filled spinning swimming,
enter/exit through the squeezing Door
to begin again the Cycle episoded.

Weaving, leaving: this Circle of Time, not on a line;
Up for white Air only to plunge back into black Brine.

too rhymy, too wordy, too opaque, writing good poetry doesn't mean flipping the thesaurus every time you're stuck on a word. Maybe its just me but all in all I think you're simply trying waaay too hard....

[Eadha Deora]

First, I want to thank you for commenting. I'm sorry you didn't like it.
I did not TRY at all when I wrote this: so maybe I have a sucky style of writing, but I like it and I feel it in my heart. I don't use a thesaurus and I don't hardly ever get stuck on words: maybe that's my problem. lol I know too many words
I made it rhymy and sort of circular because that was the motion I felt deep down inside. I could feel the Cauldron within me and it made me dizzy. If it makes you dizzy as a reader, than AWESOME. My job was accomplished.
I know I'm not that great of a writer, but I know that writing is a creative act, one that is honed with time and that must come from the deep inner wells of Self and Inspiration. When I write, I very rarely even try, especially not force it: I let what's inside flow out. So if you don't like it, it's not because it's bad writing, but rather because what's inside of me that came out you don't like. Sorry, and then again, I'm not sorry.
lol

[Epsilonist]

I enjoyed the colorful wording. It's great you have such a command of words that you can construct something like this without trying hard.
This is one that won't make sense to all, I imagine, and to each person that finds meaning in it, the words will have a different effect. Such is the case with many poems.
I do not connect with it exactly, but your comment gave me some insight, and I can now appreciate it even more.

Happy writing.

[Lubesh]

i loved all your stuff when reading it in order to plac it in the relevant categories, I look forward to more.

[Lost Snail]

It feels like having words thrown in your face...... and I LIKE IT!

[Lost Snail]

Originally Posted by Unregistered

too rhymy, too wordy, too opaque, writing good poetry doesn't mean flipping the thesaurus every time you're stuck on a word. Maybe its just me but all in all I think you're simply trying waaay too hard....

My, what very constructive criticism, and from a tourist no less. There's good and bad poetry. Good poetry can be whatever you want it to be, so long as it's creative and shows a good command of words and syntax (as this one does). All in all, I think it's just you.

[Eadha Deora]

what is me? the poem? the style? confused . . .

[Lost Snail]

Silly, I'm addressing the opinionated person, 'Maybe it's just me...'

[Eadha Deora]

OH!!! lol . . . well, thank you

[Intrinsic]

Impressive...

[Hirak]

where Life and Death meet and meld
into one elixir of moon- and sun-weld.

these two lines are excellent.

but i'm not happy about "deep depths" and the repeat of "deep" next, and i also feel that silent sound would be better, although the style suggests otherwise.

hirak.

[tarotwolf]

Maybe it's just the pagan priest in me but I can see this being recited/chanted/intoned while walking a labrynth or a spiral dance. That makes it not a poem that everyone will get, but it's not intended for "everyone" to get. Good stuff.

[RENA HANDS]

I love this...

Around and down: drowning in serenity.
Down and around: groundless in infinity.

Again, I simply and joyfully Amazed by the elegance/intensity of your words (imageries formed)and emotions illustrated. I give though not necessary now, I give 5/5!