[Venomous Vixen]

In the pouring rain I stand alone, questions encircling the puddles that drown my feet. Thoughts like a stampede, no finish line, no resolution, no referee. Exhaustion becomes me, rather drop dead than think anymore about things I'll never make sense of. He left me. Cold is the place in my bed where he used to lay. Empty is the place in my heart where I used to keep him. Distant are the feelings of happiness that passed just yesterday. Lonely are the nights with just my thoughts and the pain to stand by me.

Time has not brought closure or relief and as I count the seconds I wonder how many more it will take to mend the pain inside. I wonder how I can bring myself to trust again, to fully give my being to another just to be trampled one more time. This life grows harder by the minute and I feel so lost without a guide to show me how to get to the place I used to be, so happy and free.

I revert back to times as a child when my worst fear was the dark and everything came so easy. The world seemed a playground never ending in wonderfully new things. Pain was a scratched up knee and my heart lay intact and far from the things in this world that would soon damage it. Smiles were genuine. As I think back I hear laughter and feel the warmth of the sun as the days passed and I grew. This place I have reached holds no laughter, and the sun does not seem to come this way.

I am cold, shivering without his arms to warm me. I wonder what I lacked to make him so quick to leave, what it was I just could not give. I question why I have always felt I am not enough in any aspect of my life. I try and I try and I never seem to be able to get there. Where there is I still haven't a clue, but I know it is not here.

I tire of being everything to everyone when I cant even be anyone to myself. There are so many things I strive to do and I never seem to accomplish. Lost in an ocean of darkness are the tries I have made in my life. A serene surface is all that meets the eye, and just below turmoil hides from all who try to look. But I can see, it eats away at my very being until I don't even know what is left to give. But I gave him everything, and it was not enough. All I have could not keep him. Could not keep happiness. Could not keep love.

In its place remains endless confusion mixed with questions clouded only by substances that quiet my mind for a time that always seems too short. What if I never find peace? Is life worth living when the days are filled with attempts to just get to the next? Finding sanity in sleep cannot constitute living another day like a zombie, going through the motions of life without purpose.

How do you erase a memory, a feeling that you have no choice in never feeling again. Loss of control, loss of hope, loss of reason to travel through another day of this hell alone. Strength defeated and thrown away as he did me. I ask for help, to see a light that has long since flickered out and died. I remember a time where everything was clear and I saw in years ahead us walking hand in hand. That dream now lays shattered among the rest of the thoughts swarming in my brain, and I just wish for silence.

The pills numb the senses and for that I am thankful. I strive to find a reason I am still here in a world that does not seem to need me. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope. The hope one day I will just be enough. Please tell me one day I will truly be enough, for anything. For myself. For love. For life.

[Derik]

Wow, very deep and sad. I can almost feel your pain and sorrow, if it you this poem is reffering to. I had to read it again, and it is one of those you want to read over and over, in case you missed something. All your words seem to rhythmically flow together, and without trying at all you can make a visualization of the pain. Excellent work, it saddens me that noone else has commented it.

[Storiesmaniac]

"things ill never" - I'll

"I tire from being everything " I think it would flow better I tire of

That was fantastic Bri, I reckon you should record that one, if you say it anything like i imagined you saying it, it will come off like magic. There was an overwhelming sense of loss and saddness in that poem. Great work. I love the fact it doesnt look like a poem, but still reads beautifully like one. Well done you pulled that of well.

[Venomous Vixen]

Derik - Thank you very much! I am glad you enjoyed this... thank you for taking the time to read it

and tim... thank you as well.. I think I shall record it.

[Deadman]

Sadness seeps through this, its heavy and slow and downbeat, good emotive rhythm within this as it fits with the piece perfectly. Like a previous reader I read it a few times to make sure I was getting it all. The movement through time is seamless, which I applaud. Depressing but brillant work.

[Venomous Vixen]

Thank you... and for taking the time on this one as well. Glad you enjoyed

[Gurdit]

Most (all?) of this is something I relate to.
I hesitate to leave comments on this, but you already know why.
And also, you're more than enough. I just suppose all of us, at some point or the other, feel that we're not enough, and I seriously wonder why.

[Venomous Vixen]

Thanks hun. Haha and I have to spread some rep around apparently. Thanks for reading, and commenting. Yes, I think everyone feels that way at some point but we all seem to pull through it.

[RENA HANDS]

I wonder what I lacked to make him so quick to leave, what it was I just could not give. (Is this not a question resulting in a question mark rather than a period?)

Also...I wonder what I lacked to make him so quick to leave, what (was it (that) just could not give?)(?) A possible rewrite?

This should be (can’t) here...I tire of being everything to everyone when I (can’t) cant even be anyone to myself.

Is this too not a question...How do you erase a memory, a feeling that you have no choice in never finding again.(?)?

U have again composed another heartbroken prose that many can relate to. The imagery was without doubt very clear and so too were ur whirlwind illustration of emotions. I give a rating 5 of 5.

[Venomous Vixen]

Thank you, Rena. It's weird to read this piece again. What a mess I was! I think this was actually written in May of 2006, which makes it very old indeed. You know, the most incredible part for me is seeing how much I have grown - not just as a writer but as a person as well. Thanks for bringing this up and for your kind words I probably should comb through the punctuation on this!

[Lubesh]

Very smooth and heavy with sadness? i hesitate ...needs a better description. Also this is over one yr old....i love time and love that it doesnt seem possible we can grow but we do don't we....? Having faith and determiantion and a love, which u do...what comes to mind when i read ur stuff mostly.

I missed it first time.wasn;t so keen on you then lol

[Venomous Vixen]

Originally Posted by Lubesh

I missed it first time.wasn;t so keen on you then lol

Ahhhh she loves me, she really loves me! and this was written long before it was posted... May 2006 which makes this 2 1/2 years old. Love remains though, well within yourself, but luckily that self-beating eases with time. Hard to imagine feeling so down on ones self! Thank you for the kind words

[Vorcla]

Oh. This is a powerful piece. This one was before my time, and I feel lucky that I got to read it. I haven't had much time to go digging lately, so it was nice to see this. Bri, your emotions in here smack me right between the eyes. You have always been so much better at prose than you give yourself credit for. The last two lines are truly heart-wrenching.

"Damned fine."