[PICK] Love Scrawled, on a Bathroom Wall

[Corneac]

We wrote our love
on the bathroom wall,
in magic markers,
graffiti they called it,
art – to others,
-to us, it was a preservation,
a documentation of what was,

to some, love hearts scrawled
on a bathroom wall,
with snatches of poetry,
that lingers still, perhaps

and called –

“call this number, for a fuck”
no, chunky black letters
and indecipherable messages
of teen angst and such,
like cuts that bleed
and scab and heal,
childhood– to youth – to age
a wound that opens,
pustules,
on carefree summer days,
that scab over – picked,
reset,
re-picked,
that fades, eventually,
a scar – still there,
barely,
and yet, still scrawled
on the bathroom wall

[Venomous Vixen]

Wow, there is a lot in this one.. I thought in the first few lines you were going somewhere completely different with this but you really surprised me here. Brought me back to so many places, everytime I have seen writing on walls and wondered who the people were, did they make it, where were they now. Oh and then the last stanza, the wound healing and opening and healing again, so perfectly captured the way young love and lust feels... seriously really blew me away there. I love the way it feels as if you are almost going to fall off course in your writing and then just as you are going "uh oh" you pull the reader right back on track again and reinforce everything you started out with... making it all wrapped up in a package of stuff that really gets you thinking. Anyway, am rambling, this one is one of my favorites out of you lately.

[Lubesh]

to us, it was preservations
a documentation of what was,

I was stopped by that.....maybe just it was preservation, a documentation of....etc

Nice use of body stuff ery raw and not gracious to relay something very that! nice work corn.

[dearest]

Beautifully worded. There are so many thoughts and ideas being explored here, but you still manage to make a lovely, circular ending that ties back in nicely with the beginning. Excellent!

[RENA HANDS]

I loved the intensity of imagery and action illustrated here.

[Corneac]

Thank you all....and for the edit Lu. I liked this one...and appreciate your feedback.

[Vorcla]

Nice. The imagery, the hidden meanings and connotations. Somehow it's rough and raw and pretty at the same time.

[Jayna]

I love your use of words. The simple yet mysterious way you made the reader think about not just 'Love Scrawled, on a Bathroom Wall' but as if you we're the person who wrote the messages there. Great job.

[RENA HANDS]

What about trying to say or express as speech…graffiti, they call ?

As stated before… Bravo to the imagery and intensity of this emotional piece. I rate 4/5!

[Corneac]

Thanks RENA!

[Lubesh]

saw this again......come on and read viewers!...still love it! and no i dont need the posts lol

[Corneac]

Thanks Lu! Again, lol.

[Abuel]

oh my. two words. love.it.

[smokeytehmonstr]

I really, really love this, especially the last stanza. You have a gift for poetry like this--seeing beauty where lesser poets might see ugliness (and I'm including myself in that category). My one gripe is with the last part of the first stanza:

graffiti they called it,
art – to others,
-to us, it was a preservation,

The punctuation here is super confusing. Those dashes made it pretty much impossible for me to follow it. I'd suggest either changing the line breaks, if that will help, or rephrasing so that those dashes don't exist (even though I think they parallel something in the last stanza, no?)

Beyond that though, this is really great.