[Peppy]

I sometimes feel like giving up,
but I can’t, I won’t,
It hurts just trying,
to be what I want to be,
when I’m nothing,

How hard must I try?
How numb must I feel?

-

[Rain]

Hey Peppy, I like the theme or plot or aspect of this.

"How hard must I feel?"

That line didn't ring off too well with me... Everything else did though. I liked that it was simple, not too difficult to understand, just straight to the point ya know? Nice job.

[Peppy]

Thanks for the comment, dude. I somehow translated "hard" into solid, don't know why, but I changed it into numb instead. I think it's a little better.

Thanks again for reading.

[Rain]

That is a lot better, nice stuff.

[Blink]

I like the never give up mentality, it's a great thing to have,anda great thing to see and read about Even though it's like the person wants to give up, but they won't, because it's a sign of weakness, and to know that it's a sign of weakness, if you were to give up you'd have to face your weak self... at least that's how I see it. I really enjoyed the passion put into it. Good stuff.

[ms_mae572]

i liked it and it was true

[Peppy]

Tanks, Blink and Ms. Mae. This is the truth for some, but for just a few, will is just easy.

Tanks again for reading.

[Syrah]

DANGIT. I just spent a long time writing an in-depth critique on this and the site crashed momentarily so it was lost! GAHHHHHH.

Well. I will try to restate it ---

Now, this particular outlook on life I happen to disagree with but know that it is more than a common occurrence. You did well conveying this feeling that many people do indeed feel.

Now for the suggestions:

Original:

I sometime feel like giving up,
But I can’t, I won’t,
It hurts just trying,
To be what I want to be,
When I’m nothing,

How hard must I try?
How numb must I feel?

I start off by suggesting making "sometime" into "sometimes". It makes the line read more eloquently. Then I suggest making a couple changes to your capitalization. I know I harp on this a lot on here, but I really feel the capitalization can be used to emphasize particular points in a poem as well as for aesthetic purposes. I suggest that you change the "But" to lower caps so that the emphasis is switched from "but" to the "I can't, I won't" section of your line. Then I suggest changing the "To" and "When" to lower cases to create the dwindling effect that your words illustrate in self-worthiness. In effect: changing the focus.

Here is how that would look implemented:

I sometimes feel like giving up,
but I can’t, I won’t,
It hurts just trying,
to be what I want to be,
when I’m nothing,

How hard must I try?
How numb must I feel?

I am glad to see more work from you and am looking forward to more

[Peppy]

Well, I did it. Thank for the info and advice, woman. I can't believe I missed "Sometimes". Hmmmmmmmmmm...

Thanks for reading.

[Gurdit]

You know where I felt like you might have gone wrong slightly?
Well, actually, that's a wrong way of even putting it. Ok, let me rephrase that...

You know where I think you deviated from my opinion of what would have been a really good way of writing this?

You started the poem stating already that sometimes you feel like giving up, but you won't. I think what I would have liked would have been to see the difficulties first --

"It hurts just trying,
to be what I want to be,
when I’m nothing,

How hard must I try?
How numb must I feel?"

I especially like the first paragraph there.
After we've got the burden out of the way, then I would have liked to have seen the never-say-die sudden burst of inspiration --

"I sometimes feel like giving up,
but I can’t, I won’t,"

Also, what's missing is the "because...", I felt.
But after all that is said and done, I still liked reading it. Short and sweet.

[dearest]

Well, looks like it's basically all been said. Way to pack a lot of feeling into so few words. I really like the questioning couplet at the end. I mean, even though you may have that never give up mentality, those tendrils of doubt always manage to creep in. Other than being a little comma-happy in the first stanza, I really don't have anything else to add in the way of critique. All that's left to say is job well done.

[Vorcla]

Hmmm. Nicely done. A little on the wordy side, but they all count for something. Good to see; keep it up.

[Lubesh]

Unique comes to mind - you have ur own style, definitely..and a good one.