Holes

[Lubesh]

She couldn’t see the holes held firmly inside her plans, but she knew they existed. To open them up would be to admit defeat and risk slow sinkage. Maybe, she thought, she could coast a while, hang firm to the tenuous threads that held them together. But the cloth was always to easily torn, threadbare for years; it didn’t take much and was too worn to carry such burdens.

The elasticity had gone. There was no spring in her step as she gazed wearily into dark woolen and sullen grey clouds and no spring to step into, to dry and lighten her heavy load. So, the cloth kept tearing, shifting under the weight. Dry, she had no chance and sodden, even less. Tears were guaranteed, perpetually to add and seep into the fibres of her world and there, when the deluge abated, she would be forced to learn to swim.

She couldn’t see the holes in her makeshift life raft, but she knew they would be there.

[Vorcla]

Well, you're just full of surprises tonight.

Originally Posted by Lubesh;

There was no spring in her step as she gazed wearily into dark woollen and sullen grey clouds and no spring to step into, to dry and lighten her heavy load.

Gaaahhh! This is an incredible line, especially the "woolen" and "sullen." Then you follow up with "sodden" a bit later. Very onomonapoetic. As usual, imagery and metaphor even though this is ostensibly a prose piece

You've been busy tonight - nice job.

[Lubesh]

Thankyou v much.....a pleasure these days lol

so, woollen is woolen then? lol .

[Vorcla]

Yeah - I remember that, and my spell check told me so, too.

[Lubesh]

Originally Posted by Vorcla

Yeah - I remember that, and my spell check told me so, too.

Spell check? Thanks teach. lol

[Vorcla]

Never hurts to back yourself up. lol

[Gurdit]

There was no spring in her step as she gazed wearily into dark woolen and sullen grey clouds and no spring to step into, to dry and lighten her heavy load.

This is a neat line, but there are glimpses of your genius throughout this piece. The metaphors are woven so incricately, going from the statement of the metaphor, and then fleshing out the metaphor so seamlessly that it took me a couple of reads just to figure things out.

There's so little else I can say.

But the cloth was always to easily torn

should be "too".

Apart from that, I don't think there are any other glitches. At least, I don't remember them right now, and I'm too lazy to go back and re-read to find them. It's nice to read prose from you, because I appreciate prose more than poetry, and you're a wonderful writer, even in prose.

[dorian hanes]

I know very little of metaphors, but I know GREAT imagery when I read it. I have chills (possibly from the cold outdoors), but it was most certainly the dark and bitter language.

U didn't carry on or drag out the situation. U captured most heartily everything and anything most effectively in two and half paragraphs.

No sight of ‘hope.’ I APPLAUD that (or was there). Life cannot always have well or with ‘happy endings.’ Wouldn’t that defeat the purpose(s) of fait?
I am wandering in thoughts again. My apologies. SUPERB! SUPERB imagery and the angst-ridden emotions...BLOODY MARVELOUS (as they say over there.)x3 (only because the site won't allow for 6...(grin)).

[-Jim-]

Jeez, Lu. What a wonderfully sad piece of writing. My favorite line has already been noted by the others above, but the entire piece was packed full of wonders. What I like about it is this: It is sad, but it seems like, just out of the picture, hope floats on the waters in the form of a life raft. I like to thing that is the case for this character.

Beautifully done.

[Lubesh]

I amtouched it was so well recieved. It was a quick off the cuff write and wasn't so happy, but am aiming for simple, so my challenge was met..and amde better by these comments.