One year closer to the last,
a foundation of memory
blown by so fast,
One step closer to the end,
a pathway of moments
walked every bend
In solitude,
in silence -
Biding back the passing
of indifference...
Oh to feel something at last,
to breach a new memory
break free of the past,
Oh to shake this bitter end,
break the mold of existence
for the short time on lend,
In fortitude,
in kindness -
Biding back the passing
of existence...
For one single moment,
each turn of a year,
To grasp a bit of understanding
on why I am standing here,
To appreciate the things,
both big and small alike,
To wander down this journey
on the path that we call life,
Hand in hand with happiness,
holding tight to every breath,
With the wonder I once knew
and the steadiness of my first step,
In Freedom,
in blindness -
Biding back the passing
of the yearly turn,
of the aging handicap,
that time allows
To revert back
and just be...
free
__________________
"Money doesn't talk, it swears." -Bob Dylan
"Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise." -Alice Walker
"I don't know if I can live on my income or not - the government won't let me try it." -Bob Thaves
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmyth
See I'm not worried at all. Bri would save the alcohol and her wolfman in the process.
Wow. Interesting juxtaposition of hope and dread. There's an acceptance of the inevitable, and yet a rebellious streak that has the MC saying, "Wait a minute - I'm not sure I want to go through with this." You have the great words and images we expect from a Venomous Vixen poem, but the thing that impresses me the most about this piece is the tone - alternating between wistfulness and resignation.
Top-notch as always, hun! ^_^
__________________
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"I wanted revenge - whenever somebody kills me, I tend to get a little upset..."
Thank you very much hun. You hit the nail on the head with the conflicting emotions! It was a post birthday, mid assessing life rant and well, clarity was not the product. As always, thank you again for the kind words!
__________________
"Money doesn't talk, it swears." -Bob Dylan
"Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise." -Alice Walker
"I don't know if I can live on my income or not - the government won't let me try it." -Bob Thaves
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wordsmyth
See I'm not worried at all. Bri would save the alcohol and her wolfman in the process.
Well. Rena summed it up pretty nicely. "SUPERB!" was a nice choice of word... or ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT! is another one I was thinking about putting... and of crouse the 5/5 rating, but that's a given. Very interesting piece, got me thinking some.
__________________ "Angels lie to keep control. If you still care don't ever let me know."-Slipknot
I liked it. I thought your flow was pretty on target, but I missed your descriptors. Your use of language was good, and it really sort of set up the questions we all sort of ask ourselves. But it didn't haunt me, like your work usually does. It just made em feel sad. Sort of lost. Which is how the poem wanted to come a across, I'm guessing...
But instead of focusing on your descriptions I found myself really focusing on your use of words, I like your brevity in this one: (I suck at brevity):
Quote:
In fortitude,
in kindness -
Biding back the passing
of existence...
You have a superb control of language, or rhyme of meaning. It fits together. Like the form as the wrapping, the diction and poetic phrasing the gift and the rhyme as the bow.(keeping it together)..the wrapping all sort of artistically packaged for us to consume. I like it. I missed your writing. This is hollow almost.
But don't abandon those descriptors that are your trademark. It6 just makes me sort of sad. Sitting here...1 in the morning. Too much caffeine. It's empty. It make me feel empty.
It’s hard to criticize your work, I’m think I’m trying to hard. Thanks Bri.
__________________
"Snip! Snap! Snip! the scissors go;
And Conrad cries out - Oh! Oh! Oh!
Snip! Snap! Snip! They go so fast;
That both his thumbs are off at last.
Mamma comes home; there Conrad stands,
And looks quite sad, and shows his hands;-
"Ah!" said Mamma "I knew he'd come
To naughty little Suck-a-Thumb." - The Story of Suck-a-Thumb, Heinrich Hoffman
I have been sitting here all day reading over alot of submissions and have been pretty impressed.....there are alot of good writers here that seem to get their points across in every conceivable fashion.........and then there is you.......absolutely mesmerizing controlling my every thought from beginning to end......you are absolutely brilliant
__________________
I created the sound of madness, wrote the book on pain and yet, I'm still here to explain.
That the darkest hour never comes in the night, you can sleep with a gun....but when ya gonna wake up and fight.......for yourself -Shinedown
Re: Growing
Very interesting piece, got me thinking some. 
Linear Mode
