[JirQUEST]

Something I wrote in 15 minutes.


Let’s stop fighting
Erase the past and move on
Think of nothing but the future
Stopping only when we reach our dream

Stick with me
Take all that insanity
Our egos, our lack of faith in ourselves
Put them aside

Fight off the negativity
In our bid to chase our dream
Great things await us
However unbelievable it may be
Tests are to weed the weak
I love you
Not a fancy line to mutter at whim
Gone only when we let it.

[Venomous Vixen]

Ah, Jir, I love the very rare moments you bless us all with a bit of your poetry. It is always so full of emotion and it just smacks you in the face. In particular, the lone "I love you" just, well smacks you! The only thing, is that one loooooong line, thought of breaking it up? Just kind of juts out there... otherwise, I wish I could coerce you into writing a bit more poetry

[Corneac]

Ah man, this is great...where have you been hiding your poetic genuis aye buddy, I do agree with bri about the line though, could quite easily break it into three or two lines within the comma breaks. Very nicely done man, good rhythm, non-forced rhyming,I think you could be quite a poet if you wrtoe more poetry. C'mon dooooooooooooo it. Very nice.

[Lubesh]

Reads like something just had tocome out. I liked the abruptness of a coupleof lines amid a freefall and the sounds 'stick with me...insanity' A bit song like- that word always conjurs up a song for me anyway lol. nice read but.

[JirQUEST]

Thank you for all the kind comments. Unfortunately, I had intended that the first letter of every line was meant to form the phrase "Let's stop fighting", so I can't exactly break up that long line. I guess I can only remove some bits of it.

[Venomous Vixen]

Oh wow, I did not even notice this was an acrostic. Even better!

[Syrah]

Alright. This has a lot of things going for it. Acrostic well done (which let's admit, they are usually rather childish. This is so well done the acrostic seems to be more of a side effect than the central focus), Potent content and excellent use of words. My only suggestion is punctuation. I think the flow could be helped a lil bit by adding a few.

i.e.

Let’s stop fighting.
Erase the past and move on-
Think of nothing but the future,
Stopping only when we reach our dream

Stick with me.
Take all that insanity-
Our egos, our lack of faith in ourselves,
Put them aside

Fight off the negativity.
In our bid to chase our dream
Great things await us;
However unbelievable it may be,
Tests are to weed the weak-
I love you.
Not a fancy line to mutter at whim
Gone only when we let it.

Not necessarily that, but gives you an idea of what I mean. The words (at least to me) seem to flow in a rhythm that breath and tongue alike enjoy.

[Eva Marie]

I liked this. I haven't seen many acrostic's done as well as this one.

[Bander Snatch]

Hey, jir man i really liked this piece... I really agree with everything that everyone has said I really do, its a great piece etc.

to me it sounds like you are (or the speaker who ever) is talking to his current flame or ex or something (a love interest...) But yeah man great piece

[Zoidberg]

WOW. That was pretty good. And the fact that you wrote it in less than fifteen minutes making it even more amazing. Nice Work.

[JirQUEST]

Thank you. This piece remains a favourite with me, and I am glad you guys loved it as much