| Notices |
| Closed Form Poetry If there is a definitive conclusion, and the poet decides to use a specific pattern, such as meter or rhyme, the form will take on what is known as closed form...
Examples: http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/types.html |
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08-09-2005, 04:14 AM
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Struggle
All that strength in me
The struggle to make things right Slowly vanishing So very tired A loss of hope and spirit Will it ever end
__________________
"I like to write in the night, when everyone is asleep and I can hear the silence reverberating like an audio feedback. That is because I need the quiet to get into myself and open the doors to the noise in my head." - Me Internet home-based business for the clueless. Social. Savvy. Suave - Be a social artist. Last edited by JirQUEST; 15-06-2006 at 01:48 PM. 
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08-09-2005, 05:03 AM
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Re: Struggle
A woeful haiku....nice one
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08-09-2005, 09:51 AM
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Re: Struggle
Wow! Jiron 'Jerk 1' wrote a POEM! CONRATS! lol... good poem, but at the end the flow sort of wobbled... Otherwise good job!
__________________
"But words are things, and a small drop of ink, Falling, like dew, upon a thought, produces That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think." - Lord Byron
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08-09-2005, 12:26 PM
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Re: Struggle
w00t! w00t! I like it
 Especially since it speaks almost directly to my current position
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08-09-2005, 08:33 PM
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Re: Struggle
This is a really good poem. I don't see where it wobbled. It's solid and good. Thanks for sharing.
__________________
Life is not seperate from death. It only looks that way.
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08-09-2005, 08:50 PM
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Re: Struggle
geee. thanks. i thought it was really weak
__________________
"I like to write in the night, when everyone is asleep and I can hear the silence reverberating like an audio feedback. That is because I need the quiet to get into myself and open the doors to the noise in my head." - Me Internet home-based business for the clueless. Social. Savvy. Suave - Be a social artist.
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08-09-2005, 10:48 PM
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Re: Struggle
good haiku. Most of them that I read come out as a bunch of words strung together that dont really make any kind of sense. I think anyone can relate to this simple yet whole one
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09-09-2005, 06:33 AM
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Re: Struggle
Click...click...scroll....glan ce..."Hmmm"...Scroll.
Doubletake (rapid reverse scrolling)..."What!?" Click. "He wrote a POEM?!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Excellent haiku Jir. I like the storytelling sort, and this one tells a sad tale. Excellent form, and only wobbly because that's the way I'd say it in my mind. It's part of the effect, you know? Keep writing!
__________________
"You didn't come into this world. You came out of it, like a wave from the ocean. You are not a stranger here." ~ Alan Watts
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09-09-2005, 10:06 AM
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Re: Struggle
I just feel the last line almost doesn't fit - but I guess I thought it didn't fit was because it is a haiku - and since you can only use so many sylobols, they are not the same length.
__________________
"But words are things, and a small drop of ink, Falling, like dew, upon a thought, produces That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think." - Lord Byron
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09-09-2005, 02:35 PM
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Re: Struggle
thanks epsi
they are all the same number of syllables, BW. i think it's the tone that makes it wobbly.
__________________
"I like to write in the night, when everyone is asleep and I can hear the silence reverberating like an audio feedback. That is because I need the quiet to get into myself and open the doors to the noise in my head." - Me Internet home-based business for the clueless. Social. Savvy. Suave - Be a social artist.
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10-09-2005, 10:41 AM
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Re: Struggle
But I thought haiku was row 1- 5 syllables, row 2 - 7 syllables, row three 5 syllables...
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"But words are things, and a small drop of ink, Falling, like dew, upon a thought, produces That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think." - Lord Byron Last edited by Epsilonist; 10-09-2005 at 03:57 PM.
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11-09-2005, 04:36 AM
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Re: Struggle
it is BW, and his haiku is that way...at least that I count. But I could be wrong.
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20-09-2005, 08:46 AM
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Re: Struggle
The syllable pattern here is haiku-standard 5-7-5, so long as you pronounce 'tired' as two syllables. Being originally a New Englander and still posessed of those speech patterns, I tend to let the word flow into one extended syllable (roughly, 'taaird'), but I believe the official pronounciation holds to two (ty-erd).
Are question marks allowed in haiku? The last line is a question.
__________________
"You didn't come into this world. You came out of it, like a wave from the ocean. You are not a stranger here." ~ Alan Watts
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20-09-2005, 11:42 AM
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Re: Struggle
Yeah, I think that haiku can have explanation marks, and such.... I can't remember... i might have to ask my english teacher, since we did some haiku last year....
__________________
"But words are things, and a small drop of ink, Falling, like dew, upon a thought, produces That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think." - Lord Byron
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09-02-2006, 05:49 AM
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Re: Struggle
Haha..good Haiku poem. LOL First time I read a poem from you!
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"Did someone call for a really hairy plumber? Bow chicka bow bow." -Tucker from Red vs Blue
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04-03-2006, 12:26 PM
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Re: Struggle
Being absolutely horrible at closed form poetry, I know that it's really hard. And you did a really good job of it! I like it. Even in only several words you still convey the feeling of struggle and hardship.
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14-03-2006, 11:19 PM
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Re: Struggle
This is nothing like how I imagined you would write poetry in 'Administrator'! Haikus are not just 575 syllable patterns, there's more variation to them than that; it's just how lazy westerners understand them! Not that Jirquest is lazy. In fact I used to write this kind of haiku, except more depressing, on boxes when I worked in a warehouse. The boxes would then be sent all around the cuntry of Eng-er-land with my stupid poetry on 'em! Cool, huh?
Last edited by Elvisceration; 14-03-2006 at 11:20 PM. Reason: missing comma
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16-03-2006, 10:04 PM
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Re: Struggle
well good thing Jiron isnt american.. western ... or any of that so he isnt in any danger.
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10-03-2008, 08:16 PM
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Re: Struggle
I like your good work
The haiku was excellent Would like to read more ^ Dumb, I know. In my opinion it was very good. The emotion you tried to express came across really well.
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