| Notices |
| Closed Form Poetry If there is a definitive conclusion, and the poet decides to use a specific pattern, such as meter or rhyme, the form will take on what is known as closed form...
Examples: http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/types.html |
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02-10-2005, 05:02 AM
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Moving On
I sit here waiting
For a call that never comes A fate that's not mine A slave to her whims I seek the key to my chains To release myself
__________________
"I like to write in the night, when everyone is asleep and I can hear the silence reverberating like an audio feedback. That is because I need the quiet to get into myself and open the doors to the noise in my head." - Me Internet home-based business for the clueless. Social. Savvy. Suave - Be a social artist. 
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02-10-2005, 07:32 AM
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Re: Moving On
Interesting... very emotional... I want more...
__________________
"But words are things, and a small drop of ink, Falling, like dew, upon a thought, produces That which makes thousands, perhaps millions, think." - Lord Byron
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02-10-2005, 09:05 AM
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Re: Moving On
*wild applause*
Despair seems to be the theme of your poetry, Jir. No-win situations. I hope your day-to-day is not so difficult. Still, great work. The last line seems a little disconnected from the verse as a whole. I can interperet its meaning, but it does not flow as well as the rest of it. I can't see a solution, but if I think up a possibility, I'll let you know.
__________________
"You didn't come into this world. You came out of it, like a wave from the ocean. You are not a stranger here." ~ Alan Watts
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02-10-2005, 02:20 PM
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Re: Moving On
thanks guys.
epsi, i hadnt realised that there was this central theme until you mentioned it. i am surprised myself. but nah, my life isn't so bad yet. it can always be better still. i took a look at that last line. nothing comes to mind for now, but i'll think of something, i am sure. i think it's the word "beyond". it somehow doesnt fit. [edit]I changed the last line. Thanks for all the comments, RK.
__________________
"I like to write in the night, when everyone is asleep and I can hear the silence reverberating like an audio feedback. That is because I need the quiet to get into myself and open the doors to the noise in my head." - Me Internet home-based business for the clueless. Social. Savvy. Suave - Be a social artist.
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12-10-2005, 12:37 PM
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Re: Moving On
Very intriguing. I agree with Epsi, but we all tend to have central themes to our poetry. Though, they are not always what we mean them to be.
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12-10-2005, 10:35 PM
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Re: Moving On
Jir, i know that feeling waiting for the chick to call, lol. Well it says alot, and im glad you changed the last line it is better now.
__________________
Join A Challenge Today! Or i'll kill you
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19-01-2006, 11:49 AM
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Re: Moving On
I was attempting to find the line I loved the most or the line I felt expressed the most feeling. Yet, I am at a loss to find just one. Very well done. This has become a personal favorite.
__________________
blissfullyblind
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19-01-2006, 06:22 PM
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Re: Moving On
thanks to storiesmaniac and blissfullyblind for the comments. i read now and i cant regurgitate the feeling. but hey, it's just as well.
__________________
"I like to write in the night, when everyone is asleep and I can hear the silence reverberating like an audio feedback. That is because I need the quiet to get into myself and open the doors to the noise in my head." - Me Internet home-based business for the clueless. Social. Savvy. Suave - Be a social artist.
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04-05-2006, 02:56 PM
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Re: Moving On
Good use of symbolism and language. Well done.
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15-05-2006, 05:13 AM
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Re: Moving On
"I seek the key to my chains" Ooooo real chains or metaphorical? Intriguing! Very good poem, it made me open my curtains haha.
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15-05-2006, 05:42 AM
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Re: Moving On
thank you guys. totally appreciate the comments. gig, metaphorical of course!
__________________
"I like to write in the night, when everyone is asleep and I can hear the silence reverberating like an audio feedback. That is because I need the quiet to get into myself and open the doors to the noise in my head." - Me Internet home-based business for the clueless. Social. Savvy. Suave - Be a social artist.
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