[EternalPen]

There once was a man,
Just him and his bones,
And most of his days,
Were spent all alone.

There was a woman he loved,
But was sure she didn’t care,
So he never spoke to her,
No, he didn’t dare.

But one day came by,
Where he spoke loud clear,
“I’m hopelessly in Love,”
He spoke, full of fear.

His nightmares came true,
His worst dreams alive,
The woman laughed,
His hopes dived.

He sniffled twice,
Tears close to pouring,
Because without her,
This life was just boring.

So he turned his back,
Not caring to think,
Where he was headed,
Or how far he would sink.

Then one day arrived,
A brilliant plan in his head!
Her life did not love him,
She only needed to be dead!

So he brandished a knife,
And dashed to her home,
Smiling the whole way,
While she answered her phone.

The woman spoke,
On the telephone line,
Across the town,
Beyond the great pines.

Three thousand miles away,
(It was a long way to run!)
Was the person she spoke to,
Her sister’s son.

They talked for a while,
About how love can surprise,
This is when the woman,
Opened her eyes.

She realized she loved him,
That man she had met,
The one that she mocked,
And she made a bet.

He probably still loved her,
But this was unknown,
Only one way to find out!
She decided to leave home.

She would go find this man,
Tell him “I love you!”
Then someone rang her doorbell,
And she didn’t know who.

She opened the door,
Oh me! Oh my!
The man that she loved,
Was right before her eyes!

“I love you! I love you!"
She very nearly spat,
He smiled and nodded,
“I’m here to help with that!”


He pulled out his knife,
Held it close and smiled wide,
The woman was confused,
As she stood at his side.

He jabbed the knife in,
Red juice on the wall,
She gasped and gurgled,
Then she did fall.

He placed her in bed,
And lay looking at her face,
The tears on his cheeks,
Running a race.

“Why do you cry?”
She spoke, as it seemed.
“Because,” he smiled,
“This isn’t a dream.”

[the phoenix]

I like this poem. He loved her to such a high degree that when she turned him down insanity came knocking on his door. He opened it and welcomed the beast right in which led to him killing her through his uncontrollable madness.

[EternalPen]

Haha!! Thank you! I tried to put a bit of irony in it, too. Noticed how she fell in love right before he killed her? ^_^

[Lubesh]

Got that bit....liked it too ha ha

[EternalPen]

Thank you. Everyone that has read this outside of SM members has looked at me weird when they were done. >_<

[Lubesh]

Then look weird back at em!

[RENA HANDS]

Jesus! I was shocked! Amazed, I laughed and thought ‘why?’(Not to be funny.) A fabulous poem. I don’t disagree with the ending some might, but sh*t happens it’s called life and no way is it every just black, white with clearly defined rules regulating love.

[EternalPen]

Hahaha! Thank you! ^_^ At least I can come here. There are fans of stuff like this, so I always bring my stuff here.

[Alex]

I loved it. He crazed over her and she shot him down. In the end it was her loss. She shouldve jumped on the opportunity when she had the choice of doing so.

[EternalPen]

Thanks! It's always nice to have someone critique your writing and find out they like it! ^_^

[Rain]

Hey EP, good job man. As far as it goes it was good. On some of the stanzas to me it didn't excactly flow. But you made up for it 100% with a few stanzas, and the concept of the poem. Good Job

[EternalPen]

Thanks! It is HARD to make a long poem. You don't want to lose the flow, but you don't want to re-use words. I tried, and thank you for letting me know what you thought! ^_^

[Storiesmaniac]

yeah there were some stanzas that just didnt make the grade im afraid...(rhyme yesss) haha any ways, the story on a whole was good, and most of the stanzas turned out great maybe you could go back and have a fiddle with them

[Corneac]

Great poem!

I have a few suggestions to improve the flow though mate, jsut suggestiosn mind you, but I think they would make a great poem even better:

There was a woman he loved,
But was sure she didn’t care,
So he never spoke to her,
No, he didn’t dare.

Perhaps..."Now did he dare"

His nightmares came true,
His worst dreams alive,
The woman laughed,
His hopes dived.

"and" before "His hopes dived" would help I think. There a few more, that could do witha fiddle. But ovrall...loved the irony, your really ratehr evil aye EP? Loved the last stanza. Great job mate.

[EternalPen]

Originally Posted by Sigmund

But ovrall...loved the irony, your really ratehr evil aye EP?

WOO! That's going in my sig box!

[Zoidberg]

Nice Work! I don't normally care for poetry that much, but I like this one. And the irony was overwhelming. I was like "Woah! Did he just? OMG he did!". Excellent.