[Alex]

Think from the core of your mind,
this energy now,
you cannot provide.

It describes my accepted thoughts,
Not the ones I'm left with this day.

Not the ones who seem to care,
Nor the facts that tempt and dare.

Not the soul of wall I see,
And not the tree; life cannot be.

It is the wealth, greed and desire,
That will fuel my shouldered fire.

The left will crawl,
with right,
this fall.

[Nupur]

Hey Alex!

Just a couple of edits:

Think core of your mind,

Maybe I'm thick, but I didn't understand what you mean by these lines. Perhaps change it to 'Think from the core of your mind'? That makes more sense to me.

Nor the facts those tempt and dare.

'that' would be better word to place here.

Good work!

[Alex]

I made the corrections and, I like it better. I think my microsoft word corrected t'hat' to 'those' because I typed 'that' in the first time. What did you think of it in general?

[Nupur]

I definitely think it's a good effort, and I do like it.