[Alex]

The red comes from your eye,
The device on your heart
It's part is a lie,
Please don't start, for we will die.

Destruction it is, as also your arm,
The left of it, the pit, just sit.
You're lit from this, the joining of the two.
It's now time for action, come on, it's your cue.

Try your best to stay alive,
Protect what you have, do not let it stray,
For this day, is the end.

A savior now comes,
Will he save us all,
Or will he merely fall.

That simply means,
We'll hear the children's screams.
Boy you're on you're own,
It's time to make amends.
It's time to kill what you've created,
These imaginary friends.

[Alex]

No posts yet?

[Rain]

Very interesting concept and poem, Alex. First of all, let me say that I loved the last stanza, especially the last 2 lines. But you were shaky with your rhymes, they were kinda all over the place, in some stanzas they didnt have any at all. One stanza was 3 of 4 rhymed, then the 2nd stanza was 2 of 4 rhymed, 3rd didn't rhyme, 4th was a good one, and in the 5th it was all over the place. I'm very rhyme picky =P. But if you're gonna go with rhymes stick to a pattern.

Like I said, the last stanza was good, besides the rhyme issue, which I'm sure you can fix. Liked the concept of the last stanza, first 2 stanzas didn't work for me though. I liked in the 3rd stanza you didn't have the issue of rhyming, because you chose not to, which I think would be a better path for you to go down for now. First get flow down a little more, and then try with a rhyme pattern possibly. You got talent definitly, but try without rhyming, or go with a rhyme pattern, because I see glimpses of what could be and it's amazing, like what you did in the last stanza of this poem, it was brilliant. Keep up the hard work, Alex, (PM if you ever need something)

[Alex]

Thank You, I'll try to get the flow better.