[thelma&louise]

A friend once asked me what was life
I told them it's a web full of lies
You're tangled, you struggle, you fall in deep
Next thing you know your heart skips a beat
Darkness surrounds you, you're all alone
No place to go to, your veins are sewn
The end is here, but have no fear
There still might be some hope left for you, dear
Shoot, no, there comes the spider
He's not sure about you either
Still, you're a meal, you'll do
No doubt his aim would prove true
Fangs out, you're rooted to the spot
Help? Where? You're already caught!
Dead you are, and very much so
Pretty much sucked into that spider's hollow
And when he's done he licks his lips
If he's even got any, that is
He's really sorry it had to end like this
He smiles and lets out a satisfied hiss
And you, you friend, what can I say
I really am sorry it had to end this way
We all experience things, good and bad
But the fact you didn't get through is really sad.

-Chris.

[Nupur]

Nice work, Chris/Sal. Please sign your name or something after every post so I know who I am talking to.

Good work on this one. I really like your references to the spider. It brought up Shelob's image in my mind. Nice tone here and good rhymes. The ending, although a bit cliched is well put together.

The only line where I felt you really should make some improvement was this one:

Still, he's unconcerned as he goes out to piss

It's just too frivolous as compared to the voice of the rest of the poem. Either way, this is good!

[thelma&louise]

Haha. It's Chris this time.

I changed that line, I think it's much better now. And the ending, too...what do you think of it? I never liked the old ending. I always thought it was awkward but was never sure what to change it to.

[Rain]

Hey Chris, good job as Nup said. Some of your rhymes were very well done, and it flowed through the whole. Keep it up

[thelma&louise]

Thanks, Altair. I appreciate it.

[RENA HANDS]

I won’t use words describe my thoughts/feelings about this rather I will simply 4/5! And on my scale of ‘brilliance,’ that’s darn good!

[thelma&louise]

Wow, thank you! ^___^ I'm glad you approve.

[Gurdit]

You know, I don't much review poems, because they annoy me a lot of the time. If I don't understand something the first time I read it, it gets on my nerves and pisses me off. The good thing is that your poem didn't do that at all.

What I really really liked about this poem is that it flowed brilliantly well. Your voice and tone were spectacularly good. I know I'm reading a poem and yet it felt light and good. Maybe there was a bit of a tone of sarcasm, but I just felt "good" while reading it. Good job.

[thelma&louise]

Lol, I'm glad. I can't even do those poems having that artistic "huh" factor if you know what I mean...Not yet anyway. Thank you!

[Peppy]

Man, where's my head? I thought I commented to this already.

I ejoyed the fact that you gave life an imagery we can all understand (though many would probably think life was nothing but crooked paths and turns). Though it has no form whatsoever, it does have rhyming words what give it a sort of flowy tone, but there are still some choppy parts inside.

I liked it. It's dark and pessimistic. A good show in imagery and mood.

[iwrite4areason]

Wow! This is intense! What a unique poem. I love how it doesn't end happily..

My favorite lines are:

Shoot, no, there comes the spider
He's not sure about you either

It adds a depth to the poem that wasn't quite there yet. Who is the spider? Why isn't he sure about you?? I love it! Wonderful job!

[Lubesh]

Refreshing raw feel and life yes, sukky at times. I too enjoyd the irony/sarcasm maybe and jsut a good read with edgy qualities. Nice effort.