[Alex]

A hundred miles away he seems, watching for the shattered dreams.
He believes he'll catch one and call it his own,
That's a sign of greed which he has now shown.

After many attempts, he snags one in his net,
It screeches, crying for help, he simply calls it his pet.

The devilish grin upon his face sends shivers through my soul,
Out he rips the dream from net, swallowing it whole.

His body glows, white fills his eyes, his head threw back in pain.
His skin is cracking, his insanity fueled laughter is nothing of the sane.

There is another, it floats through the air and stops just above the man,
Its ghostly figure would scare the devil itself from the face of the land.

It lunges forth and enters him, a battle inside is going,
It exits with the dream and sets it free, life, now is not showing.

Foreward he drifts, from the edge of the cliff, now becoming airborne,
Wind rushes past, his face, no his mask,
he believes he will be reborn as the torn.

[Rain]

Hi Alex. This one was good, the flow was very well done and I enjoyed the 2 lines for most of the way through. Pretty good job

[Venomous Vixen]

A hundred miles away he seems, watching for the shattered dreams.
He believes he'll catch one and call it his own,
That's a sign of greed which he has now shown.

One thing I have come to notice is you use A LOT of connectors in your work, and ones like 'and' and 'the' which take away from the beauty of your other words and idea IMHO. Why not try something like this...

A hundred miles away he seems, watching for tides of shattered dreams.
He believes he'll catch one to call his own,
That's a sign of greed into which he's grown.

By just these little changes you add another descriptor in the first line and a visual, you can picture the dreams in the form of something, you take out some of those overused connectors and add a touch of alliteration into the last line.

I am not going to go through the whole piece this way, I think you should see what I am getting at just by that stanza. You ideas just amaze me and I would love to see them delivered in a way that was flawless as well, if that makes any sense?

Now about the piece itself, I got a lot of different visions throughout this one. I could see it as a metaphor for growing up, even for an authoritarian figure, the father perhaps, and then like life itself and then more simply the devil (and Nightmare on Elm Street crossed my mind as well ) As always, very interesting thoughts, I enjoy your writing for that alone.

[Alex]

Thank you, will try to do as you said, I understand what you mean by creating a visual of what I would be describing.

[Maylar]

I took as a small rule to comment only on works I like...it’s not unbreakable, but why would I make somebody’s life miserable, without a real need (ain’t unbelievable, with my tongue).
Fallowing that line, you now maybe expecting a “but” in this post...but no “but” will come
I like it (I love it) and it is a great piece of work, especially from imaginary side.
You may make changes or you may not, (VV’s advices are usually constructive and helpful and the poem may get even better), but (ups)...I really, really like it and enjoy it with or without change.